Operation60s

Restarting ..

2007-07-16T17:44:00.000+12:00

As promised I am back today.

Start Weight: 86 kilos (ugh :-( )
Goal Weight: 69 kilos
Left to go: 17 kilos
First Goal: 79 kilos

Well haven't I gained just a little weight!!!?? Just a little bit of work to do to get Slim Nancy back!

Today .. eating under points. Gone for 1/2 walk at lunch time. Feel good.

It is a start..

xx

'Monday Morning .. Can't Trust That Day'

2007-07-13T17:22:00.000+12:00

Ok .. I am back. Very long time no see!!!

I can trust Monday morning .. I need to. Cos come Monday morning Fat Nancy is back!!!

Tell you what .. (and you probably know this all already!!!) .. losing weight is soooo hard and gaining is so goddam easy.

I am now Miss Flabby Flop .. my scales are a bit dodgy but weighing in between 83 and 86kgs .. how fucking embarrassing is that!!

I am not happy!!! I feel fat but at same time think .. oh what the hell I can lose it anytime I want. I can't. I have no stickability .. no motivation .. no uummphh.

I have tried on and off for months now and it hasn't worked ..

so PLAN Z .. recreate the past .. including this whole blogging thing ..

Fat Nancy is back ..

with a few changes ...

Priscilla (my darling sweety pig) is cooking in the oven .. my fiance (hear that FIANCE) is at work .... that is right.. not all my weight gain is due to fat .. a small bit of it is due to the engagement ring on my finger!!! :-)

cya guys on Monday ..

xxxxxxxx

Results Week 1

2007-01-22T21:38:00.000+13:00

Weight last week: 82.4 kgs
Weight this week: 80.2 kgs
This week: 2.2 kg loss!
Total lost this year: 2.2kgs

I am stoked. Like I said earlier I haven't been 100% on track but I really pleased with how this week has gone. I am starting to get back into the swing of things again. My walking has increased. My fruit/vege intake has trebled! I am feeling great.

Bring on next week cos I am aiming to be back in the 70s!

xx

Being self-sufficent

2007-01-21T20:14:00.000+13:00

Lately BF and I have been watching the Real Good Life. About Britains taking their little bit of back yard, taking a year off from their high paid jobs and learning to live with the land.

BF and I love that idea. But tonight we have had to concede that we have children and no matter how much silver beet we grow and sell we would still not have enough money to fund C1 or C2 school camps .. or pay for their school shoes .. or even give them their pocket money. Let alone finding enough to give treats/presents/necessities to C3, C4, C5, C6 or even C7 (we have 7 children btwn us ... only 1 is biologically mine).

However we do want to become self sufficient with what we eat. In June we moved to a small farm .. we now have 5 cattle, 2 pigs (you met them last time) and two huge vegetable gardens. BF is really really keen to eat our own animals ... personally I think that I really love Daisy, Zulu, Asterix, Articuno, Archibull (cattle), and Priscilla Queen of the Paddock and Petunia (my baby pigs) enough without starting to serve them on the dinner table BUT I am starting to see BF's point. Meat costs so much ... we need to start doing this. As a vegetarian for 17 years I am going to find this really tough .. but it needs to be done.

On the vegetable side tonight we ate our own brocolli, baby carrots and baby peas. Even though I was a vegetarian for so many years (the first 16 of my life) I am not particularly fond of vegetables (go figure). Tonight I ate them. They are home grown, organic and absolutely beautiful. I ate them first before touching anything else (with no cheese sauce!). We still have our own cauliflower, cabbage, pumpkins, potatoes, sweet corn, onions and parnsips in the garden growing.

It may not be 100% self sufficient but it is fucking fantastic!

Another thing that farm life brings is uncountable exercise. If I talk about weight loss exercise I mean purposely walking or doing weights. I am now living on a farm. I do not count moving fences, movin gates, weeding gardens, digging out gorse, chasing cattle, moving pigs, driving the tractor, doing firewood, helping BF in the shed as exercise. But it must be!

I love farm life. I love the weekends. Spending time in my gumboots, grotty old jeans and tshirts. Not worrying about putting on make up, doing my hair. Not worrying about what other people think.

BF and I are living our dream!

:-)

Michael Stripe

2007-01-20T22:22:00.000+13:00

If I wasn't taken I would go for him... he sings a song that I have in my head alot .. (maybe, just maybe cos my head is always plugged into my Ipod which has that song on it??!!????!) ... it is called 'Walk Unafraid'

This week I have started walking unafraid.

For the last few months I have been very afraid that my weight loss was coming undone rapidy (well it did a bit .. like 7kgs worth!) .. now I am not. I have the feeling back again that I can do this.

I haven't been the perfect example of a weight loss thing this week but I think I have given it a good shot! I am very proud that I have got up at 5 -5.30 am two mornings in a row and walked for around an hour each time.

I have eaten so many vegetables and so much fruit. I can see my eating patterns change again. I have steared away from a lot of junk food. I have turned down junk food. On the occassions that I have eaten it I have not eaten ALL of it. That has to be a good start.

... "How can I Be
What I want to be?
When all I what to do is strip away
These stilled constraints
Shred this sad masquerade
I don't need no persuading
I'll trip, fall, pick myself up
and Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold me love me or leave me high"

Walk unafraid .. REM

oh Dear

2007-01-18T21:06:00.000+13:00

Mixture of good news and bad news today on the fat front.

I did get up @ 5.30 this morning and went for a 50 minute. I was so proud of myself. I even included a small amount of jogging which felt wonderful. It was four powerpoles. I measured it on the way home ... and only 300 metres! Oh dear!

I didn't track today. I used well over my points. Oh dear!

But I did not eat as much as normal. Had a much smaller lunch and again even though I knew I was over my points I had a much smaller tea. Oh dear!

I am kinda proud though. My patterns are changing. I hope.

I have an excuse .. don't I always. I think something is 'going down' with one of BF's children. I don't wanna say what. But it could change a lot of things. Past experience tells me it is not good and not going to be easy. Part of me says 'bring it on I love a challenge'. Time will tell. I am stressed, mine mind is running flat knacker but I am doing ok .. touch wood.

I decided instead of having a full 10000000 word 2006 update I would tell you something each entry to break it up a bit.

ummm .. not sure what I want to tell you first .... ok just cos we haven't had photos for a while I will introduce you to our new additions to the whanau....

These are my babies .. Petunia in the top photo and Priscilla at the bottom. I love them. Pigs (believe it or not) are a pet I have always wanted .. ok not such a pet cos in a few months they will be bacon *sniff* but I adore them. I find it so benefical going down and chatting to them every day.

But beware! They may have looked cute in that photo (their first ones!) but they can run .. entirely different story. They also smell terrible somedays, they slober all over you, there table manners are disgusting .. so just the same as BF really :-)

xxx

2007-01-17T21:26:00.000+13:00

*knock knock* *taps foot* hellllooooooooooo? anyone there?????

... wow I have become extinct in blogland *sniff*

I can't believe I haven't updated since July! Eeek!

.. I have a good excuse .. I have just been sooo busy dieting, and religiously doing exercises. I have passed up all the tempting food offered to me over the Xmas period. I have not had a drop of alcohol because it is bad for my health. I ate carrot sticks and celery while the rest of the family munched on glazed ham and pavlova on Xmas day. I am now looking so slim and so toned by life is complete ... think Nicole Riche size ...

YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!

Ever since I came back from overseas I have been eating everything in sight, I have hardly exercised for fitness or for weight loss. I am a big fat hippopotamus. My clothes are back in the I-am-way-to-fat-to-wear-that-pile. Ugh.

My scales glare at me in the bathroom every morning. They are daring me to stand on them and ruin my day. Damn numbers. Damn being fat. Damn bad food that tastes sooo good! Damn clothes that I once loved that I now hate cos they show off how much weight I have gained. Damn my flabby arms, wide butt and flabby stomach. Damn Damn Damn

*smiles sweetly*

Now that that is all out of my system .. time Fatter-than-last-time Nancy got back on track.

This week is the turning point. I am getting back into the swing of it. Here are my stats *blushs* (so embarrassed)L

Current weight 82.4 *gulp* (remember I was in low 70s last year :-( )
Goal 65-69
Weight to lose .. umm a lot! Again!

So I am now tracking, counting and walking and how do I feel? Much better thanks for asking. I love the feeling of being back into it. I have lost around a kilo this week already and feel so much nicer for it. I wish I could bottle this feeling then I could be millionaire!

oopss better go .. having a nice early night cos I am going to try and go walking before work tomorrow .. scary stuff!

xxx

PS Big 2006 update next time! warning! very lengthy

PSS missed this

smiles shyly ....

2006-07-01T21:03:00.000+12:00

Hi

mmm.... :-)

Well ... it has been a while eh ....

*shrugs*

suppose this means I am back into this crazy wee world of blogging. Can't be a bad thing really! This is the place I used to feel so comfortable, so not alone, so supported ... just has been a while since I was gone I suppose.

And now I am not sure what to say.

I want you to know though that I haven't disappeared because I have gained weight or completely fell off the wagon. Actually I have sorta fallen off the diet wagon but have been very very lucky I have not gained weight.

I haven't exercised in so long it is not funny (to be totally honest). I bought an Ipod when I was overseas with the excuse I would use it while walking in the morning but I have physically not exercised in months. My body though is craving exercise. I have had cravings for the gym ... cravings for swimming ... cravings for walking (but seriously, honestly on a good morning we are lucky to get to 0 degrees .. too cold!).

I have been eating well .. kinda. If I said I ate a whole pizza and a McChicken combo in one evening would it disgust people? If I said that I was in Rome and I wanted the boys to experience Italian McD's and pizza would it make a difference? Would I convince myself it was ok?

Probably not.

If I said that winter is not a good season to try and lose weight would I convince you guys? You are the ones getting out there and doing it and I am coming up with excuses ... so probably not.

But ....

I have reached a sorta calm point in my life. I don't hate the way I look (although I am not totally pleased either). I have a new addiction .. shopping for clothes. I want myself to look 'reasonable'. I never used to wear skirts etc and now I do .. (in the middle of winter)..

I am happy with myself ... I feel ok .. but as I said earlier I crave exercise. I want to get back on track. I want to finish this damn thing.

And I am going to. So many of you have finished .. so many of you are going to finish ... and so many of you haven't even started so you don't know yet that you will finish.

We are all going to end up a fantastic looking bunch of people!

*******************************

So Italy talk ahead ....

Condensed version

I went. I saw. I conquered my fear of flying (and of the dentist!). I loved it. Am going back again.

Will update on that next time .. plus include some photos :-)

.... but right now I am going to bed ...

Wanna sneak peak? (told u she looked beautiful)

Being a Big Girl

2006-05-20T20:52:00.000+12:00

Sometimes .. even though I am smaller ... I have to remember how to big a big girl. I am not talking about wearing massive jeans or the numbers on the scales. I am talking about facing life head on.

5 days I will be in Italy ... but at the moment I am so f'n sad!

My ex- mother in law (well ex-bf's mother) is in hospital at the moment ... again... something is wrong with her heart .. again. I rung my ex bf and it was so strange .. we have both grown up so much since we used to live together .. it is so strange. We can be civil and we can joke and it is like fitting into an old pair of pjs ... feels so strange but at the same time feels so good. He used to know me better than anyone. I dunno.

I have to go see Dave tomorrow. By BF is making me. Dave is dying from lung cancer and I am too scared to see him. I will cry (I am crying now just thinking about it). He is going to die. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to see him before hand otherwise I am going to regret it but I know I am going to go there tomorrow and cry in front of him and he doesn't need that. I don't know what to sat to him but I know that what ever I say is going to sound so stupid ... sometimes life sucks big time.

And ... (I am so dramatic tonight) .. I know something about a family member through work ... if I tell someone then I could theoretically lose my job .. but if I don't then I know that the family member has lied and could get herself in serious trouble. Hmmm... could let that happen but I can't. Damn me being so goddamn nice.

Gonna have to do some serious thinking and figure out how to handle all this .. within 5 days ...

xxxxx

Lightbulb moment ....

2006-05-02T12:36:00.000+12:00

I have been feeling rather sorry for myself lately. Life seems to be humming along quite nicely .. except for my weight loss. I am now sitting at 73 kgs but have been making none, or half-arsed efforts, to lose weight. Stupid girl! I puddle around and decide one morning I am going to start again but then something tempts me (food related) or I have an excuse not to exercise (weather related). I then kid myself that I am happy with the way I am anyway and I don't really need to lose any more. Or I tell myself that my body is just sitting at 73 kgs because maybe that is as low as it wants to go.

As I said stupid.

I am going to Italy soon .. in 23 days to be exact.

My family over there have not seen me since I started losing weight. To be honest they would have seen me last when I was hovering in the high 90s. I want to blow there socks off. I know I will already but at the moment (to quote Shania Twain) .. 'man I feel fat!". I have some how though convinced myself that it doesn't matter. They will notice the difference anyway. But I really want to get into the 60s. That was my goal. I want to feel slim again. Not fat. I want to feel confident in my dress. I want to feel confident in my skin. I want to show those Italians what Kiwi girls are made of.

Most of this year seems to have been geared around getting 6 of us on a plane in 23 days. My parents - they can organise themselves. But I have had to organise two boys, my partner and me.

This is a portion of the list.

Passports - done
Supporting letters from CYFS to get C1 overseas - done
Money saved - done
Clothes bought - done
Cats booked into cattery - done
Organised time off work/school - done
Tanning my white fat body - being done
Gearing up to go on a plane (without picturing falling from the sky - I am rather scared of flying) - almost done - not helped though when I started reading a book which described a plane hitting the earth...
Letters from doctors to get C2's medication through customs - done
Wedding present bought - done
Speaking Italian - disaster (but hey clever C2 can count to 10 in Italian and say a few words - he will do!)

Weight loss - forgotten about. Bugger! Actually to be honest. Ignored.

I am home sick today. I have ignored blog land for weeks (maybe even months). I clicked on to a few blogs this morning and saw people not succeeding 100% all the time but damn they were giving it a good go. What sort of person would I be to just give up now? Bugger it - if you guys can just keep on putting one foot in front of the other and doing this then I bloody well am not going to let the side down.

For the next 23 days I am concentrating on getting Fat Nancy as close to those wonderful 60s numbers as I can. One foot in front of the other. Just keep on going. I am not going to make a long involved complicated plan. The answer is right where I knew it was. Eat the right amount of points, exercise and stick to it. Simple.

'You never fail until you stop trying'

Numbers ......

2006-02-28T14:54:00.000+13:00

Amazing. Two posts in one day. Wanted to have this one in a seperate entry because this is a big thing for me. I tried to post this on the day that it happened but didn't have time.

February 25nd 2006 .. my first birthday! One year since I started losing weight for real!

I have no idea why this time this has worked with so many other times I have failed. Maybe it is like learning to walk - we try once and fall over, try again and fall over but then one time it just clicks and we starting taking steps. Ok we fall over again every now and then but we aren't scared to pick ourselves up and take another step. I still haven't mastered this whole thing yet. I still fall over on a regular basis but I have still covered quite a distance.

One year ago I was 95 kgs and more (never had an official start weight). My BMI was 30+. My clothes were huge, I was huge and I was unhappy.

In one year I have lost 22.4 kgs (weighed in at 72.6 on 22nd). That is 44.8 blocks of butter! My BMI is now 23. But these are just numbers. My achievements are obvious more in the things I do and the way that I feel.

My brain has taken a long time to catch up with my body. I now no longer see myself as fat. Ok my thighs are too big, my arms are still too flabby, I am never going to be a big fan of my own arse! But I am ok with myself, I am accepting of myself (generally). My BF no longer has to go shopping with me .. we used to play this wee game when I went shopping for clothes, even up until a couple of months ago - I would like something and want to try it on and would choose an XL top or a size 20 trousers. BF would go along behind me and swap them for a smaller size. I would be suprised when I tried them on and they fitted me. BF would look smug, give me a smile and the thumbs up. I no longer need to take BF with me. I can now go shopping all by myself (although I still have that sense of suprise when I try something on smaller and it fits me).

Looking back I feel so sad that I wasted a lot of my life being overweight. I am still relatively young (under 30) but have missed out on doing so many things because I was conscious of my size. I have lived countless summers living in huge jeans and t-shirts paranoid that I couldn't wear shorts because I would just look wrong. My body was not only fat but white. I never let the sun and my body meet. Now picture this ...."Fat Nancy" lying on a bean bag in the BBQ area, cold cold beer in one hand, book in the other. The sound of a lawnmower next door, a jet ski on the river. Sun beaming down, gentle breeze off the sea. Nancy tanning herself in board shorts and a bikini top .......... that is right - board shorts and bikini top! This is what I am talking about!

No numbers can ever express the feeling of the sun on your body on a beautiful summers day.

No numbers can ever express the feeling of joy of walking into a regular clothing shop and not having to buy the largest size there!

No numbers can ever express the sense of pride of knowing that I did this. Goddamed I have actually done this. I may not be at my goal quite yet but I can guarantee you two things: (1) I am bloody well going to do it and (2) when I reach my goal it is still not going to be just about the numbers.

Now just cos I can here is a few of photos of me ...

Remember these .....???

What about these!?

Just a wee difference do you think?

2006-02-28T13:16:00.000+13:00

Wow ... does anyone hear that? That, my lovelys, is the sound of peace and quiet at home! That never happens! I am actually home sick today which is why, aside from the cats, Jo and Gloria, I have the house all too myself.

A few major things have happened lately which would explain my lack of blogging. Biggest one is that, shock horror, we have been banned from using the internet at work for anything but work related things! Aaaaahhhh! How I am supposed to update my blog and catch up on everyone in blog land if I can't spend my 40 working hours using the internet? It just seems so hard to find the time at home! Both boys are back to school now which means tai kwon do, ATC, swimming lessons, croquet games etc have all started up too. Mix that up with my walks, exercises etc and there really is not enough hours in the day.

Our work, aside from cutting out the internet(!), has monthly competitions amongst the different teams in the building. Each month a team choses a wee team building competition which generally seem to involve food (foods of the world, death by chocolate, muffin day .. get the drift!) ... this month, food unrelated, we are having the Oscars so each team had to decorate their area based on a movie. My team chose Titanic and I was chosen to organise it. So much work went into it. The whole of the weekend the BF and I were paper maching (sp) an iceburg, making a titanic ship out of cardboard, making life preservers etc. Was quite fun but so time consuming. Today was the day (and I missed it cos of being sick) .. hope we went ok. My boss organised some sailor costumes, I organised two team members to dress up as Jack and Rose and we set up a wee dining room based on the Titanic also. Will find out tomorrow if we won an Oscar!

Without going into too many boring details, we have been having a battle with BF's ex-wife over access with his daughter (who is 6). The ex-wife threatened to take us to court, BF was not prepared to do this as we thought it was unnecessary so BF has given up access rights to his daughter. Has been a rather long, confusing battle really and BF knows he has made the right decision. While feeling sad for BF I are really quite pleased. Is that totally mean of me? It has been rather a strained 'relationship' between the ex-wife and myself and I have totally had enough of her personal attacks on us. I understand that she doesn't have to like me and I don't expect her to. I don't expect, however, to be told that we are lesser people because we don't always dress up, because we don't have our own 'personal cell phones', that BF is not a nice person because he doesn't even shave every day (I kid you not!), that while we have a coffee table we can tip upside and the children can use as a pirate ship, or a counter in a shop, that we are not up to the ex-wifes standard because her coffee table is glass plated. We don't have a new large car, nor a brand new BBQ, a new lounge suite or a large wine rack but it doesn't make us sub-standard humans (although in her opinion we are). I don't also expect to be told that we can't have BF's daughter to visit because we don't feed her McDonalds every Saturday, that we actually make her eat salad sandwichs (obviously a big no-no), that we don't do enough with her - we take her to the beach, the river, set up the paddling pool outside, read with her, talk with her but we don't take her shopping and let her watch TV all day ..... see I am a bitch!

C1 and C2 are (fingers crossed) being taken camping for a weekend by my ex's parents on the 11th of March. BF and I have so not had a weekend to ourselves for ages so have big plans! Going to go and visit BF's sister who lives a couple of hours drive away and stay with her for the night. Can't wait. Will be so nice to just pack up the car and go.

And .. in case anyone wants to know .. Nancy's number for the day is 86. That is right. 86. 86 more days to go until I go to Italy. How goddam exciting is that!

xx

Feelings ...

2006-02-15T16:43:00.000+13:00

I have experienced such a range of feelings and emotions since starting this journey nearly one year ago. I have felt elation at the first few kilos lost, wonder at achieving my goals where before I have failed. I have had manic feelings towards the scales - there have been times when I could have kissed them and placed them on a pedestal and others times I could have carried them to the highest building and chucked them off the roof (after kicking the sh*t out of them). I have felt appreciation for all the hundreds of wonderful compliments I have received. I have felt such tiredness after waking up time and time again at 5.30/6 am to fit in a walk. I have felt jealousy towards other who just eat all my 'bad foods' without even blinking an eyelid! I have felt such wonder at the amazing people I have met through Blogland - a year ago I knew none of you and now you are so important to me.

I have felt despair, jubilation, guilt, happiness, such great sadness, such great pride in myself ..........

Session at the Gym: $6.00
Sports Bra: $14.95
Pedometer for Counting Steps: $19.95
Swiss Ball: $34.95
Favourite Walking Shoes: $129.95
Feeling of Fitting in a Little Black Dress: Priceless

:o)

Warning ... Fat Photos Ahead!

2006-02-10T18:54:00.000+13:00

... well ... these are my fat photos. Fair is fair ... everyone else has posted 'before' photos ... I hate posting them on here for all to see but this is what I used to look like. I was 95 kilos + but think I was probably closer to or above the 100kg mark .. I can't believe I used to look like this!

I looked so goddamed sad too :-(

... it just goes on and on ...

2006-02-01T21:47:00.000+13:00

after my wee chip escapade at lunch time (see earlier post) it got worse! That is right ladies and gentlemen .. it just got worse ... a handful or two of spring onion chips before tea, a tea which consisted of crumb chicken pieces and sweet chilli sauce, rounded off nicely with a few big handfuls of corn chips, swallowed down with diet coke ..... what the hell? .. I shouldn't have drunk that today ... it has no points! I apologise what was I thinking .. have a zero point drink at the end of a glutinous day! Sheesh .. can't even binge and overeat right today!

I now feel so full and so sick. But I suppose I have to look on the bright side .. I am being honest, I am still alive and tomorrow is another day. I won't wake up 95kgs again and I won't have to replace all of my fat clothes simply because I ate like Fat Nancy today.

I am still Thinner Nancy .. just a very full, heavy feeling version.

Without making excuses I have had a lot of things on my mind lately and I think today was just one of those 'back off I have had enough' days.
Had a big moan to my boss's boss (my big boss) about my team at work. The team that won't cover my 5-6 pm shifts so I can have two uninterrupted days off (after everyone had 2 weeks + off over Christmas). Told her I was not happy and I thought we were supposed to be a team and that we should all pull together and help each other out. She has also noticed that certain members in my team don't give a fuck (basically) and just look after number one but she is going to work on making sure that everyone is willing to cover for other people.
I have also had passport forms to finish and sort out, lawyers letters to do for BF, emails to CYFS re the other children, family assistance forms for us plus my actual work work and I had just had enough! My ex mother in law has had a go at me today (again) for some stupid reason! And I couldn't even work today cos of my stupid sore foot!

I have a case of the grumps. I got out on the wrong side of the bed.

but ... as my ex father in law says 'every day is a beautiful day even when it is a shitty today' ... so today .. just another beautiful, but shitty, day (he also says 'if it feels good don't do it' .. but that is another entirely different conversation) ..

must go my diet coke is beckoning

xx

I have ...

2006-02-01T14:30:00.000+13:00

a confession .. I had hot chips for lunch today ... I shouldn't have .. it was bad and has thrown me over points (or will once I have tea). The worse bit is I actually really enjoyed them and I would probably have them again if could go back!

I have had one of those awful 'disjointed' days today. Nothing seems to have gone to plan. I woke up to go for a walk, got a block away and developed a sore foot. I have a big sore on my heel and even putting sticking plasters over it doesn't help. I am annoyed that I have to come in for one hour each day to work instead of being able to take full time off. I am annoyed that BF and the children get to be home today and I still have to work and I am really pissed off that even though I am working BF still gets me to do wee jobs for him while I am working and during my breaks!

I am tired, grumpy and want to go home and spend time by myself

Not sure why I am feeling like this all of a sudden. I have been so positive for days now but today I just can't be fucked (mind the language!).

Had better go before I depress you all

xx

Well ..

2006-01-30T21:27:00.000+13:00

what do we think? I think I like it!

xx

Sunshine, Step Children and Shopping

2006-01-30T09:55:00.001+13:00

Great week .. perfect weekend :-)

Ok .. so weight first (seeing this is the reason why I spend a lot of my work life blogging) .. after my big kick up the pants with BF's size 11 steel capped work boots on Monday I gave tracking, exercise etc 100% ... granted I only did this Monday to Friday .. although I still managed to exercise and eat well over the weekend (I just didn't track) ...

Monday to Friday - walking = 8 1/2 hours (that is right Ladies and Gentleman 8 1/2 hours .. very pleased with that considering I worked almost 40 hours .. only interupted with BF's medical mishap .. will get to that later)
Monday to Friday - points allowed 100 .. points used 75
Weights sessions at home - 1 1/2 (did so much Monday I could hardly move my arms until Friday!)

Weight last Monday: 75.0 kgs
Weight Today: 73.4 kgs
Total Lost: 1.6 kgs
Left to Goal: 8.4 kgs

Am really very pleased with this considering I did not track over the weekend. I did take generally healthy options though and still managed to move quite a bit! Not to mention risking my life spring cleaning C2's bedroom!

This week I am aiming for the same dedication (although maybe slightly improved effort over the weekend!). I am going to track track track, exercise, exercise, exercise and above all be totally honest with myself about what I eat. Last week I never, not once, ate something I didn't track. I weighed and measured everything to make sure I was not cheating myself. I was honest and I think I have achieved (well 1.6kgs gone is achieving surely).

Apart from risking life and limb to clean C2's room (he was away for a week and Mummy always likes to have a pick up while he is not there) we had a brilliant weekend ... BF's children came for a visit on Saturday. It was a beautiful day so we took them down to the river (about 2 mins walk from our place). I settled myself on a towel, in singlet and shorts and tanned (or lobstered! .. I am so red today and so sore!) and the children and BF played in the river, built sand castles and swam. The two youngest boys decided they wanted to stay the night which was just great! Took them for a lovely walk after tea.

Took children back home on Sunday (they live in the city just over an hour away). Ended up doing random shopping. Come on girls - you must relate to this .. you plan a shopping trip, you have money and you can't find a damn thing you like .. on the other hand you don't plan to go shopping, have a wee bit of money and find things you really want. The latter happened yesterday .. and I actually ended up buying things! Yay for me .. two tshirts (size 14), sleeveless jersey (size 14), singlet top (L .. small sizings) and a pair of 3/4 quarter pants (size 16 .. 14's fitted me but just felt not quite right!). Also got C1 some t-shirts and C2 some trousers. Had a great time. Am really enjoying the fact I can go into regular shops, have a choice of clothes and find things actually fit me. Don't think I am ever going to get over the excitement of that!

.. shivers .. I planned on this being a brief post! Yeah right!

I had the morning off work the other day - I came back from my morning walk to find BF on the floor unable to get up. Managed to fold him into the car and took him too his doctor ... he has put his back out and is off work for a week. Lucky (not) ...

Have managed to wrangle a few days off work .. almost .. have got this Thursday and Friday off but have to come in and work for one hour each day (cos none of my workmates will pick up the slack for me!), the weekend off and then Monday for Waitangi Day ... so really 5 days off in a row! I can't remember the last time I had time off! Can't wait. Am going to attempt to do a few things but mostly will sit back and relax (in saying that I have already got a huge list of things that I want to get done!) ......

anyway have just been on a walk at lunch break and then topped that off with tomato soup and plain toast! Had better go do some work now

Over and out

Thinner Nancy

xx

2006-01-24T11:45:00.000+13:00

God! You guys write a lot! I have been trying and trying to catch up on everyone's blogs and I don't seem to be getting anywhere! So sorry if I have not got around to commenting on everyones ... there is just hours and hours of reading there!

I have decided to start being completely honest about my weight loss in this journey ... I have found sometimes that I haven't been (please forgive me!). I will start declaring all the wee snacks I may eat that I don't count in my points .. my favourite - grabbing a few handfuls of potato chips and counting them as a few points only .. and then going back for more .. or I figure out my points for the day, tally them up, shut my wee book and then have a few scoops of icecream .. or a non-points friendly drink ...

In doing this I am only lying to myself and only hurting myself. Since about November I have not been giving this 100% or maybe not even 75% but then am still so guttered when I don't get good results. There are a number of reasons why I was not putting all my effort into this:

1) as much as I convinced myself that a free ticket to Italy had nothing to do with me losing weight it actually did. I started losing weight for myself but then thought I would go for this goal. I never thought I would make it. I thought I would be flapping my arms to Italy not sitting in a plane with the ticket paid for. As soon as that magical 75 came up on the scales I stopped giving 100%. Maybe I tricked myself that that was my goal (actually originally it was!).

2) I may have lost over 20 kilos now but I have gained something more important ... acceptance (almost of my body) .. while there are still bits I don't like I am (oh yes Margaret I am) a certified mirror whore. I don't mind the look of my body (with clothes) ... sometimes! Ok I still do have fat and frumpy days but I still enjoy walking down town and looking at myself in windows! Really vain eh! I don't feel like one of the fat community anymore and it has made me far too comfortable with the way I am.

3) I have a certain cheering squad in my work place. Everytime they see me they give me compliments .. 'oh you are looking so great', 'how much weight have you lost now?', 'you don't need to loose any more weight', 'you are going to fade away' .. outside of work I still have people who comment on how great I am looking. Don't get me wrong, this if fantastic and I honestly appreciate their support but it makes me feel like I am ok .. that people think I look ok .. so maybe if they are thinking that I have lost enough all ready.

4) I have a state of emergency in my wardrobe. I only have a few items that actually fit me correctly. My secret stash of small clothes is non existent and my pile of large clothes is massive. I am sick of having nothing that fits me but I don't want to buy any more. I want to cling on to my favourite clothes that fit me and never let them go! If I lose I say goodbye to the clothes! (oh how my priorities have changed since losing weight!).

During November and December I dabbled with counting points, exercised if/when I could be bothered. I ate too much over Christmas and New Years. The scales weren't always kind .. I was up around 77kgs momentarily ... I was never under 75kgs. I was quite down about it really. I was worried I wouldn't be able to lose anymore .. I was even worried I would gain all my weight back. The start of January I was back to dabbling but realised it wasn't doing much good.

Something clicked this week. I have been thinking off all the reasons why I want to lose weight again ...

1) to get to my goal (65kgs) A year ago I never dreamed I would lose weight. I thought I was Fat Nancy for ever. I am not. I am Thinner Nancy and I am damn well going to be 'reached her goal weight Nancy' ... I have not come this far to suddenly chuck it all in cos I am too lazy to follow through.

2) to fit into my bridesmaid dress :-P ... bought a dress before Xmas and don't quite fit into it yet. Of course this is going to create huge problems if I can not fit into it on the wedding day. I have also a bikini that I want to property fit into (still a bit tight).

3) my body still needs toning .. to tone I still need to get rid of a few layers of fat.

4) 75 kgs is still at top end of height/weight range. I need to lose a wee bit more to be fully healthy. I also want to have a few kilos to play around with when I am at goal as a buffer.

... there are so many more but I probably boring you all ready.

This week I am giving this 100% .. I am walking my fat butt off, doing my weight/exercises at home and tracking, tracking tracking. I am longer using any excuses. I am just going to do this ....
I started off this year at 75kgs so only 10 kgs more to go!!!!

Better do some work (ooops! yes I am at work and blogging .. again .. still .. whatever!)

Over and out

Thinnner Nancy

(sorry .. tell everyone they write to much .. look at me .. sheesh!)

Dah Da Dah De Dah .. I am Back ......

2006-01-10T07:34:00.000+13:00

Oh my god! After working right through Christmas and New Year I am going to have to take a holiday to have time to update my blog and catch up on everyone elses! Please be patient with me :o)

First of all a huge Happy Christmas (belated I know) and New Year (belated again) to everyone in blog land. I hope 2006 sees you happy, healthy and safe.

So ... an update .... this could get quite long (warning!) ....

I will start with introducing you to the newest member of our family .... but the story first. I was working weekends (yuck), called the boys at their grandparents to see what they were doing. My darling C2 told me they were playing with the new kitten of course! Wtf? We don't have a new kitten.. 'yes we do Mum, we found a new kitten today and Granny and Grandad and BF said you could decide if we could keep it' .. damn! Finished work thinking we already have a cat, we don't need another one, kittens need to be trained and needs vet visits and need stuff (and I want a dog and BF won't let me!) ... went to pick up the boys and couldn't say no .. this is the kitten (who they had already named Gloria from the hippo off Madascgar! .. I mean really!) ....

.... seriously .. how could I say no to her???? (I am not totally heartless!)

Worked through the holiday period which wasn't too bad. BF had a couple of weeks off so was on hand to look after C1, C2 plus his oldest daughter (God I have troubled labelling all these children!) stayed with us for 10 days. So lovely to have another girl in the house!

...back .. but you didn't realise I was gone!

So ... ummmm....

*listening to Green Day as loud as the neighbours will allow*

.. these are New Years Resolutions Nancy Style

1) complete Operation 60s... generally I am quite happy with my body but want to lose the last few kilos and get into the 60s .. but really have to focus on toning the body I have. I have gained weight over Christmas but am still very pleased with how far I have come. I have fat photos that I have dug out that I will post here .. even BF says "oh my fuckin god" when he sees them, I have trousers that I can put over my jeans now and they still don't stay up, this time last year I wore anything between a size 20-24 .. now I can buy some size 14s but mostly 16s. I am Fat Nancy no longer. Through this journey I have gained so much more than I have lost numbers on the scales. I am an entirely different person. I am positive, I look forward to my future, I am damn fucking proud of myself for what I have done and I am me - the girl that used to be fat and funny looking and now slimmer and still funny looking. I have realised also that I am Nancy Bouverie and if people don't like it they can jump from the highest building in Oamaru (which is probably 3 stories high!).

2) relationship and family wise - I love BF, I adore BF, BF loves Nancy and adores Nancy. We have to make sure that it stays that way. Relationships take a lot of work. Loving each other isn't necessarily always enough. We had a huge, rough year in 2005. Both of us were ready to say "see you later" more than once. We haven't. We still love each other and life goes on. I am going to put everything in to making sure this works better this year. 2005 saw us having more and more to do with Gavin's other children, saw C1 bumped into our lives to live with us. This was a huge thing and completely changed the dynamics of the family. We love C1 and have both said we wouldn't not take him in if we had the chance again. 2006 unfortunately will see us go to court again for C1 to gain custody of him, we will also have to go to countless meetings for C1's brothers and sisters, if necessary we will fight for the legal guardianship of C1's sister as well. We will do all this but we will do this together. This is our C1 ..... :o)

I also realise that I have a lot to make up to with C2. He is my baby .. he always will be. We have had a few tough years. This year is our year. He makes me so proud .. what a fucking fantastic child I have .. but I don't appreciate him as much as I should. I haven't looked out for him as much as I should. I haven't protected him as much as I should. I mentioned in my last post that I hate domestic violence ... *sniff* ... we were both victims of this for a long time and I let it happen. I should have done more to make sure it didn't happen this way. Ex-BF and I lived together for a few years when C2 was a younger child (from 5-7). C2 saw everything and I did nothing. I let it happen. C2 was the one that got the cloths when I was bleeding, who cuddled me when I was hurt or crying and C2 was the one that told me that everything would be ok when he knew it wouldn't be. C2 comforted me when my ribs were broken and I couldnt' move, when my nose was bleeding and I cried, when I was covered in bruises that no one else saw. I have spent quite a few years sorting myself out and now I feel I can make it up to him. I am going to. So introducing C2 .. my baby ...my child ... my future wee lawyer .....

3) financial. I have to make this year work. I want to have substantial savings at the end of the year. We have to be more secure financially. We want to be able to, on a rainy weekend, disappear somewhere. We want to know that if the car breaks down, or C1 needs new shoes, or C2 needs something else that we can buy it. We are getting there but we need more security.

4) personally .. a lot of issues here. I have to be more organised. I am off to a good start on this one but need to do things when they need doing instead of leaving it to later! Stop procrastinating! BF and I have also both decided to be more assertive - stop taking on every one elses shit! It is unnecessary and gets us down! We are both aiming to relax more .. so what if the dishes wait half an hour, the toilet isn't spotless, the gardens aren't perfect .. we need time to say 'bugger it .. all of this can wait' .....

5) go overseas! Sorry easy resolution .. tickets are bought, accommodation sorted, car sorted, bridesmaid dress bought, passports nearly done .. we are on our way ... May 2006 we are cruising to Italy .... :o0

and just cos I can .. here is a photo of the fantastic love of my life ... my BF ...... (with Gloria included as well .. of course)

Thinner Nancy over and out ....

12 Things About Me :O)

2005-11-21T09:36:00.000+13:00

12 Movies I Like

Good Will Hunting
Great Expectations
The English Patient
The Mask of Zorro
Minority Report
Equilibrium
Shrek
Shrek II
Emperors New Groove
Bourne Identity
Bourne Supremacy
REM - LIVE (anything - not really a movie but this is my list so I will add it!)

11 Bands I Like

REM!
Green Day
Pearl Jam
Dave Dobbyn
Matchbox 20
Bic Runga
Queen
Collective Soul
The Beatles
Christina
Eminem

10 Things About Me

I had C2 when I was 16 years old
I was the first girl in my school to not only continue at school while I was pregnant but also carried on at school after I had C2. In fact I was at school the day before having him and returned to school a week later to sit exams (which I passed)
I was a stict vegetarian until I was 15. My parents still don't eat meat.
I have 3/4 of a psychology degree but still can't figure BF out!
I have been engaged before but broke it off
I was born in Auckland but my was born in Africa and my mother in Faukland Islands
I have never met any relatives on my fathers side of the family
I have never smoked before ever, nor taken drugs - people that take drugs give me the shits!
I am going to weigh under 70 kilos!
I am going to be with my BF for the rest of my life

9 Good Friends

BF
C2
Ryan - great friend in Australia :o)
My Mum and Dad
Liz
Nicola
Bon
Kerri
all my friends in Blogland :o)

8 Foods I Like

tomatoes
chicken enchiladas (sp!)
beer - cold cold beer on a hot hot day :o)
salt and vinegar chips
fresh strawberries (my latest craze)
bananas
roast pork/beef
hot chips (my down fall!)

7 Things I Wear Daily

deoderant!
love heart paua necklace
underwear!
bracelets
shoes of some description
hair tie/hair clip
clothes of some description

6 Things I Hate

You guys know this one! Parents who split up and then forever use the children to get back at their ex. I hate it. It hurts the children and makes life so much more difficult for everyone involved
People in the supermarket who stop to have a long catch up with a friend in the middle of the aisle! They don't budge so you end up having to go round them (as in down other aisles!)
Domestic violence
Cruelty to animals
Cruelty to children
When people get into my personal space - Hate that .... I am ain't close to you don't get in my face!

5 Things I Do Daily

Kiss BF goodbye
Tell C2 I love him
Check my emails
Shower!
Obsess about food (what I am eating, what I ate yesterday which I shouldn't have, what I am going to eat today, what I shouldn't eat today)

4 Shows I Watch

uuummmmmmmmm ... don't watch TV! I catch the news when I remember
into Fat Familys at the moment but can't watch it because now I have a social life (4 weekends in a row and can't work the video to record it!)
CSI with BF - he loves that show
daytime soaps if I am at home and can't be bothered doing anything

3 Places I Have Lived

Kakanui
Dunedin
Oamaru

2 Things I Want

To be happy and content
For my child and step children to grow up and be happy, productive and live long lives

1 Person I Want to See Right Now

BF - he has gone away for the night for the second time in nearly four years. He has been gone for 30 minutes and I miss him already

There you go - finally did it! Yay for me.

What's In a Name ....

2005-11-16T10:57:00.000+13:00

When I adopted my BF from his ex-wife's house (or brained washed him if you listen to her version) he came with many things. Lots of socks and underpants (which 4 years later he is still wearing), lots of debts (another story all together) but no personal papers etc. We have since had C1 living with us. He came with no socks, underpants or personal papers! Since we are buying airline tickets and sorting passports out we thought it was about time we organised birth certificates for them. We knew C1 had a middle name but weren't sure if the name actually made it on to the birth cert and were concerned that the passports wouldn't match his birth cert and then the tickets wouldn't match the passport (apparently they all have to match). My mother and I had a joke with BF, who has no middle name, that it would actually turn out that he did have more names (I have 2 middle names and he finds that rather amusing!).

We shouldn't have joked. C1's birth certificate was fine. BF doesn't have a middle name but he actually has a different surname! WTF! He has been married, has had a mortgage, loans, a drivers licence etc and has had all of them under a surname that wasn't his! Apparently his mother and father never married but she just used BF's fathers name and obviously just passed it on to the children! Now to get a passport under the name that BF has been using for 36 years we have to get proof that he has always used it! Great!

After the problem with BF's ex-wife the other weekend she has gone back to the lawyers to change the access agreement as she thinks it is not working! BF and I are both certain that she will include things her partner can do with BF's daughter and list all the things I can't do. BF has already figured out she is just trying to be difficult and that he won't sign it. Will be interesting to see what she has actually put in it. Will keep you posted.

Mum and I have booked a day off in a couple of weeks to go dress shopping again. We have all of one dress shop in the town that I live (that deals with actually dressy dresses). Shot down with Mum and BF yesterday to have a quick look. Fat Nancy had definately left the building at that stage - I went down some months ago to have a look and didn't try any on. I was scared that they only went up to a size 18 and that I would be too big for them so I didn't bother. Yesterday I tried on some. They were size 12s! and one of them Mum didn't like because it was too big in places! What the hell has happened to me!? Mum sent me an email today to tell me how proud she is off me :O)

C1 and C2 are both off school today - C1 has gone to a friends house and C2 is keeping BF company at work. C2 did the strangest thing the other night. He is a really neat cool kid - never ever stops talking and is always so full of nrg. BF and I were actually watching TV (which never really happens) and C2 came into the room, didn't say a word (which told us something odd was happening), went to the TV and started fiddling with the buttons on it! We asked him what he was doing, he looked at us, tried to turn the TV off and then walked back to bed. I went and checked on him and he was sound asleep! I told his non-biological nana last night and she laughed. C2 stays with her over night once a week and the other morning C2 told non-bio grandad that he woke up and heard grandad snoring. Grandad wanted to know why C2 thought it was him and not nana. C2 said 'I knew that Nana wouldn't be able to snore that loud' Oops!

:o)

T.G.I.F. :O)

2005-11-11T09:51:00.000+13:00

Results from yesterday

Points Allowed: 20
Points Used: 15
Points Allowed this Week: 140
Total Used: 62.5
Exercise: 35 minutes walking + dancing at Folk Dancing evening

Folk dancing was a lot of fun last night. The children did their dances and then included the parents and extras as well. C2 had me up dancing a few times - I even had to do the Macarana! BF did it too and thought he was going to put a hip out!

C2 is fortunate that he goes to a small rural school (with only about 60 children). Incidences of bullying are fairly rare (although C2 did used to get bullied quite a bit), there are fewer children so teachers can keep eye on the children more and the children do tend to get on very well. Unfortunately there are, as in every school, some children that you wish would just disappear!
C2 came rushing home other day to tell me that one of the boys has been suspended (this never happens - even when a group of children sat in the playground, drunk alcohol and looked at pornography the children were only 'exlcuded from playtime' for a week). Apparently as they were walking back from folk dance lessons a boy rushed up and hit one of C2's friends in the face. Luckily the child did not get his jaw broken as apparently a fair whack and his face is still swollen. The darling little child who did this did get suspended for three days. So suspension sounds like a good idea in most cases - but the boys father was a bully at school so I doubt that the Dad is going to do much. The child is probably at home playing on his playstation and thinking it is the best reward for bad behaviour ever!

I am hoping to corner BF to have a wee chat with him this weekend although I know it is not going to go down well. Since C1 has started living with us my work load seems to have quadrupled (sp!) and it is starting to wear me down. I know that men in general are hard to train but I am going to try. I told BF this morning (while I was doing the dishes) that even though I am getting up earlier and earlier in the mornings I am still constantly running behind as I am trying to do dishes, washing, house work etc. He turned around and said that he is always running late also. I asked him why? 'cos I have to have a shower, get dressed and have breakfast and I am always sleeping in'. BF very lucky Nancy was not washing knives at that point.
While I don't mind doing housework, washing etc it would be nice to get a bit more help from BF and I do think that because we both work full time that the housework should be shared out equally or even just more fairly. So am going to discuss this with him and write a list of the chores that we think each person should do. Unfortunately for C1 and C2 I am also going to start giving them more jobs to do around the place as well. Wish me luck.

No I haven't forgotten my weigh in results for today:

Start Weight: 95kgs
Last Weeks Weight: 75kgs
This Weeks Weight: 74.2kgs
Lose of: 800grams
Left To lose Before Xmas: 4.3
Weeks Left: 6
Average Weight Loss Needed: 700grams

I am really pleased. All my hard work has paid off with a good loss (well good compared to my losses lately). Am going to work hard again this week - am not having a free day like I normally do on Fridays and am determined to have a postive, on track weekend.

The 60s are so close baby! Groovey!

xx

Yay!!!

2005-11-09T16:46:00.000+13:00

Feeling so cheerful today.

Thanks for all the comments lately guys. Sorry I haven't got around to reading and commenting on everyones blogs lately but I have actually been having to do lots of work at work and it is very stressful :O)

Anyway went to a stupid travel expo last night. It suxed. I want money off my ticket not $400 extra free for hotels if I spend $1000 on hotels. Not a whole $50 off a ticket to Italy. I didn't even want their free food and alcohol! (although in hindsight not sure why I turned that down). So we ended up staying there for about 1/2 hour and went back to Mum and Dad's place to work out a game plan. Today (this is why I am so excited) we rung and booked our tickets. We know have dates, times and know where stop overs are etc. I can't wait. It really has brought home the fact that I am going overseas next year!

Sad news though today :o( BF was talking to my ex workmate who has cancer. Not looking good. If he has no treatment he has 3 months to live. If he does he has max of 13 months. I cried. The poor guy is gone from being so active about a month ago to only be able to work half days (if that) and not being able to walk around the block. His daughter has just given birth to his very first grandbaby and now he is not even sure he is going to make it to his 1st birthday party :o(

Anyway ... results from yesterday:

Points Allowed: 20
Points Used: 15 1/2
Points Allowed This Week: 140
Total Points Used: 28 1/2
Exercise: 3 x 10 minute walks during breaks at work

Not as much exercise as I wanted to do so got up early and went for an hour walk before work. Have another hour walk planned tonight while C2 is at tai kwon do.

Thanks for the advice re low point days. I am just really trying to get back into following points and unfortunately if I am not strict on myself I eat far to much. I find it much easier to use only 15 points a day than use 20 (dunno why). Today I am going to finish on 19 points which is better :o)

Best go and do more work! and then head out for my walk

xx

Nothing Enlightening in this Post - Just Results from Yesterday

2005-11-08T16:54:00.000+13:00

Very quick post today as very busy at work! Not used to it obviously!

Results from yesterday:

Points Allowed: 20
Points Used: 13
Points Allowed This Week: 140
Total Used: 13
Exercise: 2 x 10 minute walks during tea breaks, 1 hour walk in evening, 1/2 tennis with C1 and C2

Ok so it was a bit low but felt very full yesterday. Looks like I will be having another low points day today. Really want to have a big lose this week so am really trying to stick to my points and leave some spare for the end of the week if I feel like a treat. Exercise is doing not too badly so far either. Tennis was lots of fun last night and didn't feel like exercise at all.

Have an hour left of work and then off to a travel expo with my parents. Must be time soon to buy tickets for next year. How exciting! Will then rush home and try and fit in another 1 hour walk tonight.

Really really want to see the magical 74.XX this Friday

Wish me luck!

xx

Nancy on a Mission :o)

Sooky Nancy

2005-11-07T16:19:00.000+13:00

Went round to Mum and Dads on way to work to say final goodbye (very teary goodbye I might add) to Jack this morning. BF has been giving me Jack updates all morning at work - he went to the sale yards this morning and did in fact get sold. The good (ish) news is that he wasn't bought by the freezing works - was actually bought by a farmer so looks as though, while he won't be at our farm, he will live to see another day! We are quite happy with that (although obviously sad to see him go). BF went to talk to Jack after the sale to say goodbye - apparently got a few strange looks from the other farmers!
BF and I have decided on a lemon tree for Jack and will be planting it at Mum and Dad's (soon to be our) house.

Had a case of the Monday blues today. Not only cos of Jack but also am so tired. BF has decided that snoring is his new favourite hobby so the last two nights I have jumped ship and ended up sleeping on the couch. I hate it - BF wakes up grumpy cos I am not there, I wake up tired so not a good start to the day. Have also been a bit stressed lately - Xmas is coming up so fast and while I am more prepared than other years I still have so many things to pay for before December plus we have been invited to so social events over the next couple of weeks which will use a bit more money. My weight loss hasn't been going according to plan which has been leaving me rather frustrated! I really just need to stop spending money on my new hobby .. well if BF can take one up so can I .. I love shopping! Have been buying so many new clothes lately it is not funny! I have never been a huge shopper and BF always considered himself quite lucky in that regard but now there are so many cool, summery, girly clothes that actually fit me! I need them all. I have to show off my new body! Hehe!

So today I have officially relaunched my weight loss journey. I need to follow M's lead and put on my determined hat! Everyone seems to be posting fantastic loses and I am not - obviously because I am only putting 25% in to this and everyone else is putting far more into it than me! Hmm.... would have a lot to do with it eh!

I have followed points today, still have heaps left over for tea, have planned a walk this evening (and am going to push myself to actually do it). I am going to try and have a few low days this week to kick start my body and then increase back to 20. I am going to get to the 60s by Xmas:

Current Weight: 75kgs
Goal Before Xmas: 69.9kgs
Left to Lose: 5.1kgs
Weigh in Days Left: 7
Weekly Average Loss Needed: 720grams

Way achievable. I know when I get stuck I can lose weight rather quickly. 100% effort is all that is needed.

100% ..... imagine being a 60s Nancy at Xmas. I can handle that ....... :o)

xx

Star Wars, Ex-wives and Goodbye Jack

2005-11-06T17:38:00.000+13:00

Brilliant plan .. get boys out Star Wars from video shop and have two hours peace and quiet on Sunday evening! Excellent. I am so not a Star Wars fan .. ok maybe if they had Johnny Depp or Matt Damon in it I could be tempted but it doesn't so would rather watch paint dry! Gives me a great chance to catch up on the goss in blogland and update mine!

Friday evening cleared up amazingly so ended up taking the boys to the fire works display. Lovely warm evening and great fireworks. C1 went there for ATC (Air Training Corps) and helped out directing traffic and being runners for the stalls. C2 brought himself a blow up hammer so was went off with a friend to bang everyone they knew over the head with their hammers. BF and I were essentially child free so walked around and chatted to people and enjoyed some time out which was great.

BF had to go to work for an hour on Saturday morning. No problem! Not. His youngest daughter comes to our place for access every Saturday so BF planned to be back before she turned up. His ex wife rung early, barked down the phone that she wanted to speak to BF. Told her he was at work. She got snitchy and asked where she was supposed to drop daughter off. I told her that BF would be home soon so here would be fine .. reply 'Well Nancy you know I couldn't possibly do that'. Ex-wife came out here with daughter and sat in her car - daughter was all ready to get out of car but ex-wife decided she would park out on my drive way and wait for BF. She tried to have a go at me and I told her that I didn't expect to be spoken to like that at my own house and told her that I would be fine with daughter. She refused so I suggested she just go. Ex-wife sat in drive way for a few minutes and then left with daughter! She then tried ringing BF 16 times (I kid you not) and then drove to his work and sat waiting for him. BF was already home at that stage anyway!
BF rung her later and reminded her that her partner is allowed to have daughter by himself so he couldn't see a problem with me having her for 10 minutes. Ex-wife tried to tell BF that daughter was crying in car and wouldn't get out. BF told her she was full of shit and that she shouldn't make daughter suffer because ex wife doesn't like me.
It was so frustrating. Time and time again his exs (two of them) make the children suffer to get back at us. While it upsets us the children get hurt more. Both the exs should grow up and encourage the children to have a healthy relationship with both BF and myself. As much as it pisses them off BF and I are planning on being together for the rest of our lives so they are just going to have to get used to it. The thing I do find funny is that they both think that BF is stupid and that they can pull the wool over his eyes. He is wising up to them and gaining so much more confidence so he is no longer sitting back and apologising to them. Ex-wife for example thinks she knows how to wind him up (so he loses his temper and looks like an asshole) .. he now either ignores the comments or tells her they have nothing to do with the current problem. It is so nice to listen to and I am very proud of him for that.

I have been overeating to day. Emotional eating. You may have guessed the BF and I are huge cow fans and adore our wee cow family. We have had Jack for three years now and bottle fed him when he was a calf. He may have wonky horns (and usually grass hanging off at least one of them), and he may always have dirty knees. He may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer and he didn't impress us went he went through he fence jumping stage. But he is our Jack and we love him. We both feel terrible that tomorrow we are sending him to the sale yards. It was our decision to send him now and it was a hard one to make but for many reasons it is his time to go. So today we had to go to my parents house and say goodbye to him. He sat in the grass eating and I cried. He walked down the paddock to see the other cattle and I called his name out. He turned around to look at me and I waved goodbye. I feel like a complete asshole!

Love you Jack. RIP.

PS I told BF that I am going to buy a tree and plant it in the garden (at my parents house as we will be moving there next year) as a memorial to Jack. Some place that I can go talk to him and tell him how sorry I am.

Weigh In Results

2005-11-04T13:22:00.000+13:00

Start weight: 95kgs
Last weeks weight: 75.2
This weeks weight: 75kgs
Loss this week: 200grams

Ok so am I happy? I wanted to get under 75kgs this week and I am sitting straight bang on it. It was a loss so I have to be happy with that but I so wanted to be under 75kgs. It is so frustrating especially seeing I have been seeing the magic 74.X numbers on the scales this week. Oh well next week is another week!

I have received some nice compliments this week which is great. A guy at my old work saw me the other day and he told BF that he didn't recognise me at first. Oh shucks! And today a lady (who I don't get on with that well) stopped me to tell me how good I am looking and asked me how I did it, how much more I have got to lose etc. She then went and told me about her weight loss history .... strange! I must admit today though I am actually wearing jeans that fit me and a tight jersey and I do look very slim!

Woke up nice and early to go for a walk and it was raining. Wtf?! It has been beautiful all week but I have been too lazy to get out of bed on time - the morning I am keen it is raining. Fingers crossed it stops this afternoon because we were planning on taking the boys to a fire works show tonight.

That is all for today really. I am sure I will pass the 75s next weigh in .... but as promised I will be changing my name today ... Fat Nancy no longer

xx

Aaahhhhh

2005-11-03T11:02:00.000+13:00

Have been feeling kinda glum over the last few weeks and have been finding it difficult to muster any enthusiasm over anything. Not just my weight loss.

I had a day off yesterday which seems to have done the trick. I spring cleaned the house, got all the washing up to date and even lay in the sun with my book and went for a nap. Today I feel a lot better.

It is so easy to stop smelling the roses and to fail to notice all the good things that are happening in your own wee world. I suppose we are, from time to time, caught up with all the stresses that arise from raising a family, being in a relationship, working and trying to lose weight etc that we forget to notice all the nice things that are happening.

I went for a walk this morning for 10 minutes this morning in my break time. It is obviously quick a short walk but I go over a bridge, down a path with a park on one side and a creek on the other, past the hospital and down the main street. This morning it was beautifully warm with a nice breeze and as I was walking I started to smell the roses again. The willows trees along the creek are now totally covered with new green leaves, the park is covered in daisys and there were ducks swimming along the water. I could have walked all day. How could I not gain some enthusiasm after that. To complete my walk I walked down the main street and even managed to do the mirror whore thing in the shop windows. I now feel great!

I have come so far on this. The scales are looking positive for a loss tomorrow and I am a third of the way through this.

For my last 10 and a bit kilos I am going to focus on three things:

1) eating well and sticking to my points (obviously)
2) focus on toning my wobbly little body
3) learn to accept the body that I have

I have got an exercise plan to do as well as continuing walking and I made a start on that last night. Today I know I have thighs! Ow!

So many things to do today. Pay day so have to scoot around town and pay my bills, doing the groceries after work and then try and squeeze in some more toning exercise and a walk tonight. Phew!

Had better carry on doing work!

xx

PS please positive think for my poor wee cat today! Jo is long haired and very tangly. We have got sick of trying to groom her ourselves (as she gets very pissed off rather quickly) so Jo Fluff is taking a trip to the vet today to get knocked out and shaved! Poor thing!

Ho Hum ...

2005-11-01T15:29:00.000+13:00

*yawn*

*bored*

*sigh*

hhmmmmm.... not really much to say today guys ... haven't updated for a while cos I had to work all weekend (6.45 am until 4.30 Saturday and Sunday). Was working on a new queue for work and it was so boring it was unbelievable - we sometimes had gaps of two hours while there were no calls. Luckily I don't have to do that for another 5 weeks! And double lucky - I have 3 big social events coming up (that we know of so far) btwn now and Christmas and I don't have to work on any of those weekends.

I have tomorrow off to make up for my weekend (hmm one day this week for two over the weekend) and I will have the house to myself. I am so looking forward to it. I do love the boys but will be so nice to be able to just think about myself (and the housework) for a whole day! Am planning on sleeping in, going for a big walk along the beach (weather permitting) and then doing some swiss ball and weights exercises at home. Mix that it with some boring soap watching, loads of washing and my day will be complete.

I am contemplating going to some classes at the gym - there are a few good ones I think and it may kick start my weight loss again. My mother has started coming for walks with me when C2 is at tai kwon do. Apart from her complaining that I walk to fast it is very nice to have some company!

Have stuck to points for the last two days but haven't being making the best food choices. Had hot chips for lunch today with the BF in the sun so am planning on having salad and maybe pork steak tonight (or I might try and create some chicken kebabs).

No other excitements really ..... except ... I had my official "I will get my ticket to Italy paid for if I get under 75kgs by 1st of November" weigh in today. Luckily I was able to use my old dial scales which I have used for the majority of this weight loss journey. Rushed around to my parents at 6.30 in the morning, dressed in my frog pjamas and Mum, Dad and I crowded round in their bathroom to see the results. 73.5kgs! (remember my new electronic ones weigh heavier). Yay for me. I thanked them .. picked up my scales and took me and my pjs back home to have a shower. The last thing I heard before I left their place was my mum telling dad that he 'had better start doing some bloody overtime'. Thanks Mum and Dad!

go me

xx

So This is What if Feels Like

2005-10-29T17:10:00.000+13:00

Hmmm ok. Where were the fire works? Where was the drum roll? What about the hunky men in short shorts delivering the results? Where was the crowd waiting in anticipation? .......

Well they definately weren't in my fucking bathroom in front of the scales! I have a confession .. just a small one ... NO I didn't eat a whole pizza or a whole bag of fruit bursts .. I had a quick peek on the scales this evening before I jumped in the shower...

I was 74.8kgs. And this is what it feels like? I have less than 10kgs to go - that is a 10kg bag of potatoes minus 1 spud! That is 20 blocks of butter minus enough to bake a cake .. that is only twice the birth weight of C2 (big baby .. another story all together!) .... that is only 9.8 fucking kilos!

9.8kgs and I will be at my goal weight. Hmmm.

So I am going to celebrate with a small home made pita bread pizza worth 6 1/2 points! Plus the cold cold beer I had in the hot shower (does any one else just love doing that!) Oh the life I lead.

xx

PS M - great idea get boys together and then we can have a girlie night .. but maybe I should leave them in NZ and come and visit you!

PSS I dunno about the whole name change thing .. what is wrong with Fat Nancy? If I weigh in the same or better on Friday (my official weigh in day) I will consider changing it. Ok?

The Gods

2005-10-28T09:25:00.000+13:00

of the scales are smiling on me today. But I am not religious so did double check the scales about 10 times. I have lost all of the weight I put on over the weekend plus a wee bit more. I am now sitting on 75.2 kgs - the lowest I have been since I started on my new fandangled electronic scales. I am happy. I am .2kgs away from having lost 20kgs and am .2kgs away from having only 10gs left to lose. Yay for me. I am so close to be under 75 kgs ........

Instead of thinking 'ah weigh day over lets eat' I am more determined than ever to keep on going. Imagine being 74kgs .. wonder what it feels like!? I am going to eat so well this week and keep on exercising and then hope for the scale gods to be good to me next Friday.

I am working over the weekend so am going to stock up my desk up with lots of low point foods and a good book (am doing faults and apparently very slow!).

xx

I Definately

2005-10-27T16:40:00.000+13:00

Have got my groove back today. Maybe it is the sunshine today (even though I have been in my air conditioned office all day and haven't seen it!) .. maybe because every one is cheerful and bouncy at work .. or maybe cos the scales started going down again this morning. I really don't know what it is but I am brimming with positivity today. It is a great feeling. I love being back on track .. even only I could bottle this feeling when I am about to overeat and then I would know which option to take.

It is a beautiful day today so I am planning on finishing work in just over an hour .. rushing home .. putting on shorts and a singlet and going for a walk along the beach. Will try to drag the boys out but think the BF wants to do more work on our bbq (try and get it finished before we move in February!). I had a big lunch today so for some fun I am going to see what sort of meal I can create using 0 points ... I am thinking along the lines of an egg white omelette or scrambled eggs and a big salad. I might put a baked potato with it but not sure at this stage. Sounds so yummy. Fingers crossed it is still this warm later and then I might eat outside as well. Even with a baked potato I will still be under points but I have decided to start getting more creative with meals that are points friendly - there are a lot out there but I just have to start creating them.

Getting a new washing machine tomorrow fingers crossed. We do so much washing it is not funny and the machine went 'pop' the other day and does no washing no more. We have had to take all our washing to my Mum and Dads house and Mum has being racing around doing it all. I hate not having a washing machine - it sounds silly but remember I am the person who loves doing housework! .. on that train of thought am planning on doing some spring cleaning in the evenings too.

C2 had cross country yesterday and got 4th so he goes into a higher competition next week. Yay C2 - I am very much the proud mother :o) He is so fit and athletic and always has boundless amounts of energy. I am so jealous. BF and I were amazed at the amount of parents who let their children opt out of sporting events at school. What are these parents teaching their kids about exercise and being healthy? And if you let your children off one thing it extends to everything else to do with school. C2 loves sports but even if he didn't he would still be made to get out and do it - in our house it is not an optional activity. Shit even when he broke his arm and was in cast on and off for over a year we still couldn't stop him swimming .. we just used to wrap the trusted plastic bag and tape round his arm and off he would go .. ok he did look kinda funny swimming around with his broken arm stuck up out of the water but he still did it .. and he still carried on going to tai kwon do (when he wasn't being operated on) we just had to pad his arm up and warn everyone not to connect with it.

That is my mini rant over and done with.

No other excitements really so I should go and do some work :O)

xx

Starting to Get ...

2005-10-26T21:23:00.000+13:00

My Groove Back... well I damm well hope so. Haven't made the best food choices but have stuck to points and took the whanau out for a walk for an hour and 3/4 tonight. Have been doing M's arm exercises off the Absolutely Fabulous website ... oh my god! My arms hurt. Have been doing them as I am walking around the house (I must look like a right dick but my arms will be strong soon and if anyone laughs at me I will punch them!)

I did put on weight over the weekend and it is not falling off again as quickly as I thought it would but I am just keeping on going on my four steps and hoping for the best. I know it is going to come off but it is just a question of how long it is going to take ... how long is a piece of string.

Tomorrow I am going to make healthier food choices as I have been eating most of my points on unhealthy food at lunch and then having a small tea. Not the best idea so tomorrow I am going to change that.

Very quick post tonight but wanted to tell you all how much I do appreciate your support. I have been a moaning old cow lately and I apologise. Thanks for everyone who has been leaving me lovely and supportive comments ... you guys are all wonderful and when I reach my goal weight a lot of it is going to come down to your guys ..... I would never be the weight I am today without this.

xxx

Time to Get My Arse into Gear

2005-10-25T12:12:00.000+13:00

Really. I have given myself a big talking to and have decided that eating crap food all weekend and drinking way to much is not helping me. I feel fat today. My scales are telling me I am fat today. I still feel like pigging out but have had my soup and toast for lunch, am drinking lots of water and have bought no money to work. No money = no spending on junk food = happy (but hungry) Nancy!
My weight loss has stalled lately and I have been convincing myself that I have just plateaued and that maybe I have lost enough. I have not lost enough. The truth (I have decided) is that I have been doing a half arse job at this for months and it is pathetic. I want to get in to the 60s .. I want to get to 65kgs .... I have to keep on doing this. But if I am to keep on doing this I need to do it properly.
People at work are using me for inspiration. They are asking advice on how to lose weight and I am giving it out but I am not doing it myself. I suck! I am going to be an inspiration. I am going to lose weight and I am going to get into a bikini next year. Damn!

So my plan for this week ... back to the basics:

1) track everything I eat
2) stick to 20 points per day or less
3) weights - 3 times this week
4) walking - everyday - average of 1 hour per day

Easy as 1.2.3 (or 4! as the case may be). I am working this weekend (both days) for the first time ever so that should help my eating! Yay!

I am determined to get into the 60s by Christmas but am aware that if I carry on eating like I have been over the weekend I will be in the 80s .. Nancy that is the wrong direction! Sheesh!

Best go and do some work and drink some water .. I am not hungry .. I do not need junk food!

xx

Depressing and Boring

2005-10-21T20:00:00.000+13:00

I was kinda scared to do this. I feel like a failure. It has been 3 days since I tracked. I haven't walked. I am drinking beer and eating wedges (that I stole from the boys tea). I have lost the plot .. and at the moment I don't care ... I just wanna be like every other person who eats and doesn't worry about there weight. I know that people at my work place look up to me because I have lost weight ... I appreciate that they (like today) ask my advice and pick my brains about losing weight .. but today I just wanna be me ... Nancy Bouverie (don't ask!).

My favourite ex workmate has been sick for a while. They thought he had water on the lungs but kept him in for tests for a week. He hasn't got water on the lungs he has lung cancer. He doesn't smoke, he seldom drinks, he is 50ish but still goes for weekend hikes and plays tennis. How the fuck does that work? I am trying to figure why the hell I am working my arse off trying to improve my weight, my health and my diet. He was healthy, fit and had a great diet and he has cancer. People can chain smoke all their lives and by cancer free. It sucks. It is depressing and when I found out I cried.

Yesterday I had the meeting in Dunedin. Great. BF and I also went around the schools of his children. At 10am we wanted a stiff drink. We spent four hours in the afternoon going through shit with C1s mother. I lost my cool. BF lost his cool. She didn't give a shit. She is still wanting C1 back. C1s lawyer said it is never going to happen. C1's mother wants to have access with C1 - for a trillion reasons we have said no. c1's lawyer and social worker agree with us. We still have to go through the reasons with her. It is tiring and depressing. We just go round and round in circles. Six months later we will go around the same circles .... but six months later after the court order lifted we will have to go round and round in circles in the family court.

I have eaten heaps, I have drunk heaps, I haven't wanted to diet. I never want to have to watch what I eat again. I am tired and I am sick of it ... but I can't fucken give up. I can't just give up like this .. just because I want to eat everything in sight doesn't mean I can give up .. I don't want to be a failure. I want to be Nancy Bouverie the one who lost the weight. Nancy Bouverie the one who achieved her goal and showed everyone else that I can stick to it .. I can do it ... and Nancy Bouverie the girl who wore a bikini in front of Italian Stallions

Fuck it .. I am back on my diet again tomorrow ... but tonight I am going to drink, eat and cry :-(

'Inspirational'

2005-10-18T15:22:00.000+13:00

... well I don't know about that ... I certainly don't feel inspirational but apparently I am. Wow! While I was cooking my two thin plain slices of toast at work this morning for breakfast I got told by J (a woman at work) that she has a big box under her desk filled with Weight Watchers snacks. I am allowed to go help myself because I have inspired a handful of people around the building to try and lose weight. I was then told (again) how well I am doing and how well I look.

Must have been the day for compliments as my boss told me I was looking fantastic. I mentioned that I seem to be stuck lately and she told me I was doing so well and to just keep at it. And then to top all that off a work mate of BFs saw BF and I going for a walk yesterday and the workmate commented on how good I was looking. Lucky BF isn't the jealous type!

I must admit today I am really feeling rather blah about this. I read Miss Nicky's blog this morning and I totally agree with what she says about this becoming an obsession. Weight loss is all I talk about as well and I spend a huge amount of time updating my blog, reading and commenting on other peoples. I am forever thinking about what I have just eaten, what I am planning on eating and what I want to eat. I am always thinking about where I can fit in my next walk or my next weights session. It seems like a full time occupation at the moment. It is bloody hard work and time consuming but it must all be worth it. To be told I am inspirational must make it worth it.

I just think I am feeling frustrated at the moment. I am not losing weight as fast as I want. I feel like I am just getting stuck and then I get worried that I will never be able to get under 75kgs. But then on the other hand I seem to be getting constant reminders lately that I am doing ok and that I have changed my lifestyle for the better. Some are rather weird ones - a bag of potatoes that has been in our pantry for a month. We used to go through a 10kg bag at least every two weeks. Everytime I look at the potatoes I think of all the other meals we have been having and how much healthier we have eating. I also think of Sunday when I wasn't tracking points and we got back from Christchuch at 6.30. It would have been so easy to stop for takeaways on the way home but I instead stopped off at the supermarket and made lamb chops, vegetables and cauliflower cheese for tea. These are surely all indicators to show that, even though the scales are not dropping like I want them to, I am doing ok. So I just have to keep on telling myself that it is all worth it.

xx

Weekend Update

2005-10-17T14:53:00.000+13:00

Wow! What a cool weekend we had - we had such a great time that none of us wanted to come home! Tried to do some shopping but didn't really work. Couldn't find anything that I liked really which was rather depressing. Ending up buying a nice camesole top and some cool boy leg knickers (ones with ducks and the other with turtles! so cute!). BF and C2 were really good about being dragged around all the clothes shops so I was very lucky. The weird thing about clothes shopping lately is I can't judge my size at all. BF and I would both look at the same thing and I would decide I would try something on - I would grab a size 18 or XL and he would grab 14's and mediums! He was always closest! My brain has obviously not caught up with my body yet!
Today I went and bought some more new jeans and a pair of board shorts. I have not owned shorts for years so quite nerve wracking ... but does mean I can work on my tan! Yay for that.

Eating wasn't too bad over the weekend. Considering I actually gave myself the weekend off I actually didn't do to badly at all. I didn't really pig out at all (except for a few ice creams) and just unconsciously made healthy choices with my food. It was a very good feeling! The scales were slightly up this morning but I am not stressing cos I am determined to have a fantastic week this week.

So my new goal is simple - I want to be 65kgs at Christmas. I am not going to make this complicated - I am simply going to stick to my points each day and exercise as much as I can. I am about to write a list of easy, yummy and point friendly meals that I can use as a guide for teas to try and spice things up a bit. I seem to be sticking to the same food at the moment and am getting bored with it. I love stir frys so am going to get those cranking again and am thinking panini breads, buns, meats and salads. Am also going to try out some new recipes too.

S0 that is it really. I have a busy week again. C2 is at tai kwon do two nights this week so I have two evenings of walking (while I wait for him to finish). BF and I are going to counselling tomorrow evening which will be interesting -it isn't counselling as such - we are just off to see a counsellor to get parenting advice. And then of course the big meeting on Thursday. I will have Thursday as a point free day but will try and eat as healthy as possible again.

Had better go and do some more work! (and look forward to my lovely evening walk at 6)

xx

Weigh In Results

2005-10-14T10:42:00.000+13:00

What a beautiful Friday morning .. no I am not on drugs! Just enjoying the fact that it is most definately Friday, I have just eaten my chocolate fish (given to me every Friday by my boss), the sun is shining and tomorrow I am going away! Yay!

So I decided to get serious with my weigh in results and post them every Friday morning. Now that I have got new fandangled electronic scales there should be no more excuses ... so results .... drum roll please ...

Weight Today: 75.4
Total Lost this Week: 600 grams
Total Left until Goal: 10.4 kgs
Total Left to Loss Before Christmas: 5.4 kgs

A loss is a loss. Yes it is!

On Monday I am going to be re-motivated (oh break time! rushing over to the book store to see if the new Weight Watchers magazine is out! I have waiting for it for ages and everyone else seems to be able to get copies of it!) ..... back (and magazine there so hope it is quiet today and I can get stuck into it) and will start my challenge to be into the 60s by Christmas (which is incidentally my birthday also!

Have decided to have a wee bit of a break from counting points this weekend seeing I am going away. I find it really difficult to guestimate the points I am eating when I eat away from home so I just going to try and take healthy options and hope that it doesn't work out too bad. It will also be a nice break to not have to worry about eating for two days.

Had better go! Phones have just got busy so no time for this and no time for my magazine :o(

Have a great weekend everyone

xx

I am back ....

2005-10-13T15:52:00.000+13:00

Wow. Sorry for disappearing of the face of blog land for nearly a whole week! Shit!

Congrats to Katey who is pregnant! Yay! And for Miss Nicky who has now lost 40kg! Double Yay. And for everyone who has had a successful week. Triple Yay! :o)

Thanks for all the lovely comments regarding the end of the relationship between my favourite jeans and me. I do miss them. It is casual Friday at work and I am so tempted to wear them but I can't ..... soo ... I might wear my new jeans instead (I want it known that they will never replace my old jeans though).

So I have been really busy this week. We are going away for the weekend which is awesome. Can't wait. C1 is going to a military type camp 3 hours west from where we are - he will be flying planes, shooting guns etc! Oh my god! And BF, C2 and I are going to Christchurch for the weekend to catch with an old friend of mine who has come back from Australia on holiday. I love going to cities - deep down I am a country girl but there is something about all the people, the noise and the smell of cities that I enjoy (but only for a brief time!). Am planning on doing a wee bit of shopping too! Yay

So I replaced my old dial scales last week which is why my weight looks like it has gone up. I now have my mother's old electronic ones which seem to be doing well. They weigh heavier than my old ones but are so much more accurate.

Eating has been going ok this week, exercise has been a bit down, vegies and fruit intake is up and coke still non existent! Cool!

I have decided I want to be in the 60s by Christmas - not such a hard call really but will be quite tough seeing we are getting into the social season. It just feels like I have been sitting in the mid 70s for ages and the mid 70s are so last week! I just want to start moving in the right direction again! I need a new challenge but have been so busy this week I haven't really had much time to think about it. I will have a long think over the weekend and start on a new challenge on Monday morning ...

I am typing furiously at work at the moment so better stop this and get back into it! Have a huge list of things to do at home before we go away this weekend and an even bigger list of things to do before we go to the meeting for the children next week ... will try and update more later but at the moment that is it from me

xx

Mourning Time

2005-10-07T21:20:00.000+13:00

So .. (I always say so SORRY) ... I got pulled over by a lady at work today ... she said very quietly ... "darling you need to get some new jeans - the ones you are wearing are far to big for you" .. someone else said "your jeans are excessively big" ....

.. I don't mean to undermine anyone who has been through the grieving process properly and who has actually lost someone that they love(my disclaimer)... at the moment I have to joke about things or I will cry (long long story - and nothing to do with this) ...

Denial .. I denied the fact that my favourite jeans are far to big. I do have to pull them up every two steps I take. I call them my 'street sweepers' cos when I go for a walk in them I can hear the stones rattling (the ones I have just swept with the bottom of my jeans!)

Anger .. I am in the anger stage. Why did my favourite jeans take so little to grow to big for me when they sat in my wardrobe for months and I couldn't fit them. I have only had such a short time with them and they are my favourites ....

Bargaining .. if I eat that packet of salt and vinegar chips my hips might get bigger and I can wear them just one more time ... please jeans let me wear you one more time?

Depression .. oh god what I am going to wear if I can't wear my jeans one more time ..... What am I going to do?

Acceptance .. Ok my favourite jeans in the whole wide world are too big for me. I have to buy another pair (of a size I never thought I would ever get into again .. but I want it noted they will never, ever replace the affections of my favourite ones) ... my favourite jeans are far to big for me .... it is over ... the relationship btwn my favourite jeans and me is over . O.V.E.R...

what am I going to do??

I have had such a crappy eating day today... not bad ... I argued again with BF about children .. again ... we haven't even made it to the meeting yet and we are stressed out already. It suxs. So today my eating has consisted .. actually I am not going to tell you ... something about having to admit you have used 16 more alcohol points than food points .. but still remained in the points allowed for the day .. actually 2 food points and 12 alcohol points if you want to be exact.

I have started spring cleaning my house which is a sure sign things aren't good. I don't want to go into detail. I don't want to sound like a drama queen .. I just need space to think...

.. I need to grieve for my favourite jeans .... (and think)

xxx

PS am updating links tomorrow... so you will all be included .... :-)

No Title Today ....

2005-10-05T21:44:00.000+13:00

Another busy day at work. I am now officially 'multi-trained' which means I can go into both inbound queues at a time.. which means more work and more calls! Damn. I took so many calls today it was unbelievable. I felt so drained at the end of it! I drank so much water because I was so thirsty from talking so much! ... but I still went home and talked all evening. Weird that.

I made myself a new weights programme this morning which focuses on toning my arms. I took arm measurements today for starting points so I can judge the improvement (if any) - have decided my arms are the first body parts that I want to tone so am going to work on those for a while and see how it goes. I am determined to be able to were singlets and small t-shirts this summer -the rest of the my body looks not to bad in them but I hatem how my arms look. Even had a strange idea last night - my weights are sitting by my computer desk so while I am reading other peoples blogs I do exercises with them! Strange eh (but if it works I don't care how dorky I look!).

Results for today:

1) track DONE
2) stay under 20 pts DONE
3) weights DONE .. yes that is right D.O.N.E. .... done!
4) walk DONE went for an hour and a half walk in the freezing cold with BF, C1 and C2 after tea
5) water DONE
6) 3 servings NOT DONE
7) healthy snacks DONE
8) plan daily food DONE
9) no diet coke DONE
10) update journal DONE

9/10 Wahoo.

I got some new scales today (electronic ones from my Mum) - got sick of my stupid old dial ones. These weigh my heavier but hopefully more accurately. Will try them for a while and see what I think.

Don't really have much more to say really .... sorry if you popped in for some excitments! You are reading the wrong blog for that!

I am off for a hot shower then going to hit the sack! So tired

xx

Spots, Post Holes and the End of Relationships ...

2005-10-04T20:31:00.000+13:00

Yes C2 still has spots! They are not clearing up as fast as they came unfortunately ... He isn't finding them nearly as itchy any more which is good though and he does generally seem cheerful. He even mentioned to today that they are kinda funky!

So BF is out of town today unexpectably for work. Bummer. He is in some remote random place boaring foundation pole holes! Too exciting! C1 has ATC (Air Training Corps) tonight and BF usually takes him. I had to take him in at 7 (drove home from work and turned straight back around again to take C1 in) which was fine. Rung BF to see if he would be in town at 9 to pick him back up again! Could I get a straight answer! I don't bloody think so! If Margaret thinks her DH has problems asking for directions mine has problems with answering simple yes/no questions! Bloody frustrating! So all evening I have not been sure what to do .. cook tea? No - won't have enough time to cook if I have to get C1, should I put C2 to bed? Not sure - if I have to pick C1 up I will have to wake up C2. Finally at 8 I rung BF to see how he was going! He still couldn't give me a straight answer until I pointed out that he is at least an hours drive from town and that C1 needs picked up in one hour! 'Oh yeah? Is that the time? Perhaps you had better drive back into town and pick him up'! Fire Truck (for sensitive ears!).

My Aunty is at home looking after C1 and C2 for the holidays. She received a phone call from C1's social worker today asking if BF and I have split up. WTF? Apparently C1's mother is still trying to get custody of C1 back so is now saying that BF and I are no longer together and that BF isn't capable of raising C1 by himself. I rung the social worker this morning and we had a nice long chat which is good. I assured her that BF and I were still very much a couple this morning when I dropped him off to work but did suggest he could be like some males who say they are going away to get milk and come back 30 years later! You never know. We had a talk about the family group conference coming up as well as a few other issues. I always feel so much better after talking to her. She has complete confidence in our ability to raise C1 (way more than we do!) and thinks we are doing a great job.

Mum is still working through my pile of fat clothes doing alterations so they fit me. Every time she finishes a pair I look at them and think 'that is so small I ain't gonna fit my fat arse in those' but they actually fit everytime. It is fantastic. My clothes feel so tight on me though after wearing trousers they I have to pull up after taking a few steps!

Any ... today's results .....

1) track DONE
2) stay under 20 pts DONE
3) weights NOT DONE
4) 1/2 hour walk DONE - 45 minutes today
5) water DONE
6) 3 servings NOT DONE
7) healthy snacks DONE
8) plan daily food DONE
9) no diet coke DONE
10) update journal DONE

8/10 - always the same two letting me down - fruit and vegies and weights. I am going to have to work on these ones!

So that is me for the day .... pretty boring huh!

Am off to wait for my tea to cook! I am starving!

cya

xxx

Not Much to Say Today ....

2005-10-03T20:14:00.000+13:00

Had a busy day today .. so many calls at work it was unbelievable.

C2 is still covered in spots but is feeling a lot less itchy today which is good.

1) track DONE
2) under 20 pts DONE - 18 1/2
3) weights NOT DONE
4) walk 1/2 hr DONE - 45 mins before walk, 2 x 10 min walks at breaks
5) water DONE
6) 3 servings - NOT DONE - close!
7) healthy snacks DONE - no snacks
8) plan daily food DONE - did change it through the day a bit but basically had it planned
9) no diet coke DONE
10) update journal DONE

8/10

I have decided to focus on toning my body. Will look on the internet tomorrow at work and find some exercises I can do at home that will tone the bits of my body that I want toned ... arms, butt, stomach and thighs. I have also decided that from next Monday (when boys go back to school and my normal morning routine resumes) that I am going to measure my arms, push myself really hard with my weights and check the results. Part of my lack of motivation is that I don't think I see an improvement.

Apart from that not much to say. BF and I have a meeting (Family Group Conference) in two weeks time for his children so we have to write a list of things that the mother is doing that we are not happy about .. might take some time ... so we thought we would sit down together after the boys are in bed and make a start.

Catch yas 2mrw

xx

Och Spots!

2005-10-02T21:07:00.000+13:00

C2 woke up with spots this morning. Not pimple spots and not just a few of them. He hadn't been feeling himself yesterday and was a bit itchy (he does have quite bad excema so we didn't take much notice of that) but this morning he woke up and had spots on his face. We had a look and he actually has spots from head to toe. I have never seen anything like it! I called the Healthline but they weren't really that useful ... 'do they look like chicken spot spots?' .. 'I dunno I have never seen chicken pox' ... 'you don't have to take him to the doctor but you can if you want to' .. that sorta thing. We took him to the doctor! Apparently it was an allergic reaction to something he has eaten or a combination of what he has eaten. He was given some medicine and we were sent on our way. He was very miserable over tea tonight and has been very itchy throughout the day. I hope he manages to get some sleep tonight :O(

Eating has been a bit of a mixed bag this weekend. I have made some bad choices but made up for it with my teas (which has included home made pumpking soup and two big plates of vegetables). I haven't tracked all weekend which I regret and have probably eaten about a million points each day. But on the bright side I went on a huge walk today and mowed lawns/weeded gardens yesterday, I have also eaten 3 servings plus per day, had heaps of water and still haven't touched diet coke. I don't feel guilty about it though. I know I can make up for it this week and writing it down here doesn't make it seem so bad. The scales are still going in the right direction and tomorrow is the start of a brand new diet week for me ..... things could be worse!

Daylight savings started this weekend which is great! I love daylight savings. Walking in the dark doesn't do much for me .. I feel rather uncomfortable about it so having more daylight hours has got to be a bonus.

Thanks for all the comments about goal weights. I haven't made a clear cut decision yet but have decided to get down to 65kgs and reassess how I feel. I do have to tone up my flabby bits though which will make a huge difference to how I feel about myself and how I look. I am determined to get back into my weights programme. Any other suggestions for toning flabby bodies are gratefully accepted!

Before I wrap this up for the night just thought I would spare a prayer for all the people killed, injured and affected in the Bali bombings this weekend. It never ceases to disgust me what others can do to innocent people :O(

xxx

My First Photo On This!

2005-09-30T20:20:00.000+12:00

Meet Daisy and Zulu ... aaaaawwhhhhh ....
now I might post some more photos .. some might even include me *gasp*

Wonderings .....

2005-09-29T20:46:00.000+12:00

I really can't think of a title today. I am tired but wanting to wait up for BF. He is out of town for work this evening so not sure when he is getting home. I feel lost without him this evening (pathetic eh!)

Results for today:

1) track food DONE
2) under 20 pts DONE 19 1/2 used
3) weights NOT DONE
4) 1/2 hr walk DONE 1 hour and 5 mins walked today
5) water DONE I am still drinking water - ever since I gave up coke I am so damn thirsty!
6) 3 servings DONE (just)
7) healthy snacks DONE
8) plan daily food DONE
9) no diet coke DONE 4 weeks tomorrow
10) update journal DONE

It must be my week to receive compliments about my weight loss ... got a few more today. I am learning to accept them a bit more and am starting to think I actually deserve them! I am not vain but I am starting to like the way I look .. ok I have still got a long way to go and a lot of bits to improve on but I am getting there. I had a shower tonight and looked at my hips (sorry too much info eh) and actually thought 'shit where have I gone' .. I didn't look thin but I am so much smaller than I used to be. Sometimes I don't see how much I have lost and other times it hits me. Don't you think it would be really interesting, for just one day, to go back to the weight we started at! Now then we would always notice the difference!

I got asked again about my goal weight and how much more I am going to lose. I had originally set it for 75 .. then 69 but I think I want to go lower than that. I can't imagine my body being the way I want it after I have lost another 5 kgs (I weighed in at 74 this morning). And to be honest at the moment I am finding the whole points/exercise thing brilliant. I am actually really loving it and it is really working for me... so a big part of me is scared that when I hit my goal weight I won't know what to do anymore. So (my stupid part of my brain) is telling me that I should just keep on losing! I told someone today I was going to lose weight until I disappear! I know I am going to have to figure out the whole maintaining weight thing soon but at the moment I am just happy to keep on losing.

It is even weird that I am starting to think about how I am going to maintain my goal weight. I started this year thinking I was going to be fat forever and weighing over 20kgs more than I do now and now I am wondering how light I am going to go!

How did everyone else chose a goal weight? How do you know how thin you want to be? ....

I am off to bed ... will warm the bed up for BF

xx

More Babies

2005-09-28T20:53:00.000+12:00

Today we welcomed Zambia (daughter of Venus) and Zeke (son of Uganda) on to our wee farm. BF is learning all the farm stuff for when we partly take over next year so he got the pleasure of putting the ring on Zeke and the ear tags on both of them tonight!
Zulu is looking as gorgeous as ever and was tearing around the paddock :o)

I had a 'blah' today. I just didn't seem to muster any enthusiasm for the day what so ever which is very unlike me. Maybe it was because it was cold and windy today ... maybe I just got out of bed on the wrong side. I dunno.

Results for the day:

1) track DONE
2) stay under 20 points DONE
3) weights at home NOT DONE
4) walk 1/2 hour DONE - 2 x 10 minute walks at break time plus 30 minutes after work
5) water DONE
6) 3 servings NOT DONE
7) healthy snacks DONE
8) plan food DONE
9) no diet coke DONE
10) update journal DONE

8/10 .. not bad at all .....

Today I was walking through the call centre at work and I got pulled back. A lady that works there thought she would mention that it was time I got some new jeans that actually fitted me! Or she suggested a belt might be handy. She reckons I am turning into a low rider .. you know the thin wee guys that walk around with their jeans down past their butts and their boxes hanging out! I told her I would consider her suggestions cos I didn't want everyone seeing my pink poka dot boy leg knickers! She also told me I was doing well and looked fantastic. Awh .. we love her!

Mum has fixed a couple of pairs of trousers so hopefully tomorrow I will find something to wear that might actually stay up .. Oh the joys of losing weight!

Best I go have a shower and tuck myself in bed .. I feel absolutely buggered

Catch yas tomorrow

xx

Me Again ...

2005-09-27T20:58:00.000+12:00

I promised I would try and come back to post my results of my 10 point plan and I have!

1) track food DONE
2) under 20 pts DONE ended up on 17 1/2
3) weights at home NOT DONE need to get back into this!
4) 1/2 hour walk DONE 1 hour 35 mins
5) 2 pump bottles water DONE
6) 3 servings NOT DONE had about two
7) healthy snacks only DONE small buns before tea cos tea late .. actually tea hasn't been eaten yet!
8) plan daily food DONE organised tea this morning, made lunch this morning
9) no diet coke DONE
10) update journal DONE

8/10

Am pleased with that. I really do have to get back into weights but was doing them in the mornings before work. During the school holidays BF and I are sharing a car into work which means I am in town an hour earlier. I do use this time to go for a walk but find that is means I don't have time for weights in the morning. I am doing exercise though and my clothes are feeling baggier and baggier so gotta be good.

Have a great night everyone

Catch yas tomorrow :o)

We Have Babies!

2005-09-27T12:18:00.000+12:00

Actually there is only one of them ... and we didn't have them but BF and I happy just the same .... BF and I bought two cows a few years ago (Daisy and Jack). Daisy had a boy calf last year called Yellow (they live on my parents farm and we have adopted their idea of each year calling the calves after a different letter of the alphabet so we can figure out how old they are). We were not certain that Daisy was pregnant or when she was going to calf so were discussing what we would do if she didn't (as in give her another year to try and then send her away). If she was in calf we, while the other cows are due anytime now, were not expecting her to until next year.
Mum has a lovely habit of everytime a cow calves she rings up BF and yells "boil the water" down the phone whereas he hangs up and races around there. This time we were out walking so they drove around trying to find us. It was our Daisy and by the time we got up there (2 minutes away) she has already calved. So we are now the proud owners of a gorgeous wee girl cow called Zulu. Both Mother and Baby fine!

C2 woke up on Saturday and his ear ache had all cleared up. He is so resilient to bugs it amazes me. He is just coping with a very wiggly tooth which he is trying to wiggle out so he can get another visit from the tooth fairy! I will be broke at the rate he is going (second one in a month)!

I didn't eat as well on the weekend as I wanted to and didn't exercise as much either (although I did do an hour walk on Sunday morning) but have started the week anew and am doing rather well .....

Monday

1) track -DONE
2) under 20 pts - DONE
3) weights at home - NOT DONE
4) 1/2 hr walk - DONE actually did 1 hour 45 mins
5) 2+ pump bottles water - DONE
6) 3 servings - DONE
7) healthy snacks if nec - DONE
8) plan daily food - NOT DONE
9) no diet coke - DONE
10) update journal - NOT DONE - far to busy .. seriously!

7/10 ... not bad ....

I am not doing too badly today but will update that later on.

I have been getting quite a few compliments over the last few days. A woman at work stopped me and asked me what I was doing because she said I was 'disappearing' ... how can you lose someone my size!? My Aunty is looking after C1 and C2 during the school holidays and hasn't seen me for a couple of months. She told me I was too thin now. WTF! She also asked me how I was doing it. Maybe I should have tattoed on my forward "I lose weight by watching what I eat and exercising my arse off" ... seriously everybody does know the concept behind weight loss surely but yet everyone is always asking me. I walked into work today and two people stopped me and said 'we were just talking about losing weight and you have lost so much .. how are you doing it?' Now I don't mind giving people advice but these same people asked me about 3 months ago and I told them!

Took my fat clothes to Mum's on the weekend and she is looking at taking them in (a lot!) so I get more wear out of them! Oh my god they are massive. I had to constantly hold them up so she could pin them. It is amazing how much weight I have actually lost and how many clothes I have 'outgrown'. When I finished I put my trousers back on and she rolled her eyes and commented that they needed done as well. I have saved one pay of fat jeans just for me so I can compare with my clothes when I am at goal weight. One of Mum's friends gave her a pile of trousers for me to fit into. They are size 14 but all Just Jeans or Jay Jay trousers so quite small. I can pull them up but not zip them up so am hoping to fit into them by Christmas. My wardrobe is looking totally chocker at the moment!

I started my first day on credit control yesterday so was very nervous. My second call I got abused! Yay! Told my BF and he wanted the number so he could call him and abuse him. Told him things don't really work that way!

So that is me for the moment! I will pop in later and update how I went for today if I have time. I have so much to do tonight for work and can't seem to get any done as the damn phone is always ringing.....

Will catch u later

'Oh do you know the muffin man ...

2005-09-23T21:36:00.000+12:00

The muffin man, The muffin man
Oh do you know the muffin man
Who lives on Drury lane?'

(The Muffin Man J. W. Elliott)

Yes! Muffin Day at work... who in Gods name came up with that idea ... there were muffins for miles - bacon and corn, triple chocolate, banana and maple syrup ... so many muffins! The kitchen was full of them. People were eating them all day. Every where you looked someone was holding one! Damn. Guess how many Fat Nancy ate???? Zip, nada, zilch, zero! That is right. I didn't eat a single one ... I took a banana muffin without the muffin! Yay for me!

Another yay for me .. I hauled my fat arse out of bed this morning at 6am and went for a walk for an hour in the rain. It was beautiful. The river was so calm and the sea was so rough and loud.

So results for the day

1) track DONE
2) under 20 points DONE
3) weight at home NOT DONE
4) walk DONE
5) water DONE
6) 3 servings fruit/vegies DONE
7) healthy snacks if nec DONE
8) plan food for day NOT DONE - not quite - didn't work out what I was going to have for tea until I got home
9) no diet coke DONE - 3 weeks today!
10) update journal DONE

8/10 ... not bad for a fat girl!

Hopefully finished my training at work today. It was very stressful - I had to take calls while my boss was sitting beside me listening to my calls. I was so nervous it wasn't funny. I survived though and the rest of the afternoon (while I was training with someone else) I actually felt like I was getting the hang of it. Sometimes it almost sounds like I know what I am doing. God forbid!

School holidays started today officially. C2 has unfortunately got a bad ear ache which developed just before tea. He couldn't even eat the fish and chips that beloved BF bought home for him. Poor wee thing was in tears at the table. We gave him a panandol, sent him for a hot shower and he is now tucked up in bed with his teddy (Doctor Oscar) and his beanie on sound asleep. I hope it has cleared up in the morning. C2 doesn't often get sick and when he does he bounces right back so hopefully fingers crossed he will recover quickly this time as well. He has great plans for his holidays which revolve around playing with the millions of pieces of lego he got for his birthday recently. I am not sure what C1 is going to do in his two weeks off. As much as we have encouraged him to find a hobby and find interests he finds everything boring. This generally means that all weekend he will hang around everyone else and won't actually find himself something to do. We live in such a lovely place that we find it quite unbelievable that there is nothing he wants to do. He has swimming, biking, fishing etc on his doorstep and he finds them all boring! After much deliberation we have decided that we have encouraged him as much as possible, made every suggestion under the sun to give him ideas of what to do so at the moment it is up to him. It probably sounds mean but we just carry on doing what we have to do in the weekends in the hope that he will just decide to go out and do something.

BF and I have a quiet weekend planned (as per normal!). Going to my parents tomorrow to do fire wood and look at the new house site. Their house is being started in a couple of weeks so the driveway and the area for the house was dug out today. While the contractors were putting the driveway in a few pine trees had to get knocked down so BF and my Dad will be doing the manly thing with the chainsaws. Apart from that we are just going to be doing the normal - washing, housework, mowing lawns etc. I am planning on getting a couple of good walks in this weekend too.

So that is a wrap for me tonight ....

better go to bed and get some sleep ...

catch yas tomorrow

PS in case you were wondering about the fish and chips that the boys had for tea... I had a few chips and a home made pita bread pizza. Took my points up to 20 for the day. So much better than normal when I would have a piece of fish, heaps of chips wrapped in bread.

'All That You See is Me ...

2005-09-22T16:27:00.000+12:00

.. and all I truly believe .... that I was born to try'

(Delta Goodrem Born To Try)

I must be a female .. I change my mind every two goddamn seconds. I am not really happy at the way my weight loss is going. It is inconsistent because I am inconsistent with what I am doing. I am sick of it. As I said I am the queen of excuses .. and since I have said that I have been still making excuses everyday! I am tired of it. I am sick of feeling like I am not achieving this.

I have sitting on my desk my bikini which I picked up today. I am never going to get into that if I keep on going like this! And that is quite a depressing thought. It feels like I am giving up even before I start. So today I am still diligently tracking but am also back to counting points. I know that the points system works for me (as in I lose weight) so that must surely out weigh the disadvantages. I have to give this a go and I have to succeed. As the title says I was born to try

So revised (revised) 10 point plan:

1) Track everything I eat
2) Eat under 20 points per day
3) Do weights programme at home everyday
4) 1/2 walk or more every day
5) drink 2 pump bottles of water
6) eat 3 servings of fruit/vegies a day
7) if snacking keep to fruit/vegies
8) plan what I am going to eat in the morning and stick to it
9) no diet coke
10) update journal everyday

This is the plan ... I start tomorrow ..... (I am at home now.. work too busy so didn't have time to finish this .. rude!)

I have tracked and counted today and have only used 14 1/2 points (5 of those were cold beers tonight ... yum...) so think that was a really good start. I am full but feeling really positive. I have made some revisions to my 10 point plan ... the main two being that I want to plan what I eat in the day time to make sure my points are spread over the day and I am now going to allow myself snacks as well in the daytime - I have noticed that breakfast helps but in the evening when I finish at 6 I am starving so want to eat when I get home before tea... you know the story ... I snack and think wtf I may as well eat more for the snack.

A real achievement today at lunch .. BF and I usually end up going to a cafe for lunch and as much as decide I am going to eat something healthy I never do .. today I had a bowl of tomato soup and a small piece of french bread toasted. I bypassed the butter so was only 3 points for my lunch. Hot, yummy, low on points and better than a pottle of chips anyday!

I tried on my bikini tonight ... well only the top half. It does fit (and is a size 14) but not sure still ... I know that really I have hidden myself in 'fat clothes' for years so me wearing anything slightly revealing is a shock to the system. I am the girl that up until this year would try and cover myself as much as possible and hear I am attempting to wear something that would fit in my boot! Really! But then in saying that I didn't look at myself in the mirror and think 'what the fuck' ... BF and I admired my shoulders which started poking out of my body and my back which isn't fat at all .... I think I may get used to it. Of course a tan on my white wee body will do wonders :0)

Enough verbal diarrhea. I am off to bed. Planning on getting up early and going for a walk and doing my weights so best I am not too late getting to bed...

catch yas tomorrow

Fat Nancy xxx

No title - no time for title ......

2005-09-22T08:12:00.000+12:00

Morning

Very quick update today ... running late for work and so much to do ......

Yesterday;

1) walk NOT DONE - only managed 3 x 10 minute walks in breaks. C2 didn't go to tai kwon do as planned so I didn't do my walk. Excuses excuses! Today I am going to achieve this!
2) weights NOT DONE - getting flu still and feel like shit in the morning. (Good excuse again Fat Nancy)
3) breakfast DONE
4) track DONE
5) eat 3 meals DONE
6) 3 servings DONE - 3 bananas, cauliflower
7) drink water DONE
8) no weighing NOT DONE
9) no coke/alcohol DONE
10) update journal NOT DONE - cos I left it too this morning

So ... summary ... I am not going to lose weight like this. I have given myself a talking to and I need to improve this if I am going to get into a bikini for Italy (I am actually picking up bikini today!) ........

I am lazy this week and haven't been doing my normal exercising .. ok the weather has been shocking and I am contemplating getting the flu but I should still be doing it anyway .....

I am off to have a very successful day .. I may not get all my 10 points achieved today but I am going to start getting myself into this again ........

catch u later for another update ...

Have a good one! xxx

'Oh You Gonna Let It All Hang Out ....

2005-09-20T21:09:00.000+12:00

Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round'

(Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls)

I am so annoyed. As you know I am being a bridesmaid for my sister next year. I have always said I am happy to do that but I am not going to wear pink. So I have been looking for dress ideas and emailing them away to her for the past few months and have never got any feedback from her. She has now decided I will be wearing a black dress but with a hot pink stole and pink jewellery. I am not impressed. She emailed me today and said that I am dragging this out by not emailing her back (she only told me about the pink yesterday!) and that it is her day and I am going to ruin it! Great! So now I am the bad one and I feel pissed off ... so what do I do when I am pissed off ladies and gentlemen .... I eat and after I have finished eating I feel like a fat bottomed girl. My pig out was only a few buns with cheese and tomato in them but I still feel fat and yucky now. Damn

And to make it worse the weather was still terrible today. Still trying to snow. So I didn't do my one hour of walking (although I did manage some) and I couldn't get my lazy fat bottom out of bed this morning so didn't do my weights. Double fantastic! I have snacked between meals and I have weighed myself twice.

1) walk NOT DONE - managed 35 minutes. Too cold and yucky outside
2) weights NOT DONE - too lazy to get my arse outta bed
3) breakfast DONE
4) track DONE
5) eat 3 meals NOT DONE - emotional eating = snacking
6) eat 3 servings fruit/vegies DONE
7) drink 2 pumps water DONE
8) no weighing NOT DONE
9) no coke/alcohol DONE
10) update journal DONE

6/10 ... room to improve for tomorrow. I am going to try to have a clean sweep tomorrow and get scales down for Friday.

I have still got so much reading to do for work but tonight I am going to be bad and skip it. I am going to go to bed and read a book and fingers crossed I won't wake up tomorrow and find the whole world has turned pink. UGH!

cyas

'Putting On My Daytime Eyes ...

2005-09-19T22:15:00.000+12:00

A good enough disguise until I get some sleep'
(Bic Runga - Get Some Sleep)

I can't sleep. I feel so awake. It is blowing a gale outside, and raining and today we even had snow falling (but not settling). The fire is going beside me and everyone else is asleep. This is Nancy time and I am relishing it. But I should be going to bed soon - work tomorrow.

I never mention my work not because I hate it (because I don't) but just that really it is just a job and it probably doesn't make for exciting reading! I work for a small company in town that is in the communications business. I am currently working on an inbound queue for a power company. Really only started on this a couple of months ago so am the 'new kid' there. For some reason my team leader has put me into a new position very quickly so I will be multi tasked and be able to do many jobs in that are (which is good for me). I have the feeling that the other people who have been there a lot longer than I have are resenting me for this which is a bit of a worry. So I am currently in training at work and there is so much to learn and so much to remember. My brain hurts and I have information coming out of my ears! I don't have much time to learn and I will be flying solo at the end of this week. I hope I don't fuck up! (be positive Nancy!)

I thought I was so clever this morning - I parked my car up hill from work (about 10 minutes away) so on the way home I would have to walk up a steepish hill. It snowed on the way back to the car! Oh yes it did! I live near the coast and I don't expect snow! C2 was at tai kwon do so while I finish work at 6 I go for a walk until 7.30 when I pick him up (saves me driving home and then going to pick him up again - we live 15 minutes from town). Usually I do really enjoy my walks but the weather was so appalling I considered driving home. One word kept me walking tonight.. bikini! Damn thing hate it already! I walked up and down the main street (under the cover of the shops) for an hour. In the end I did really enjoy it and was so pleased I did it.

Round up for the day:

1) walk 1 hour DONE + some! 1 hour and 35 minutes to be exact! Yay!
2) weights DONE
3) breakfast DONE - only a banana but breakfast all the same!
4) track DONE I am so enjoying the tracking business lately
5) eat 3 meals only DONE
6) 3 servings DONE
7) drink 2 pump bottles water DONE
8) no weighing NOT DONE
9) no coke/alcohol DONE
10) update journal, be positive DONE

Pleased with that. I ate my 3 servings of fruit and vegetables! I am so proud. Had a piece of chicken schnitzel tonight and .. believe it or not .... the rest of the plate was filled with carrots, cauliflower and brocoli (with a wee bit of cheese sauce). I am not a big cauli/broc fan but it was delicious. At the start of the year I would have had a huge plate of chips with chicken and no vegetables. Funny how things change.

I am off to read in bed ... hopefully BF has warmed the bed up! It is bloody freezing here tonight! Ugh! Fingers crossed for a nice morning tomorrow so Fat Nancy can shake her arse and walk (with a $100 note M!)

Cyas :o)

'And He Still Gives His Love ...

2005-09-19T16:24:00.000+12:00

... he just gives it away
The love he receives is the love that is save
And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky
A human being that was given to fly'

(Pearl Jam - Given To Fly)

One of my favourite songs. It uplifts me and motivates me. I must go home and listen to it.

I am into motivation at the moment. I did something completely, totally and utterly different today. Something that the old Fat Nancy would never have thought of. Something the Thinner Nancy still has trouble grasping! Beloved BF and I went window shopping today ... actually we knew what we were looking for ... and I actually layby'd one ..... guess what it was!?

(I will tell you later!)

The weekend was not the best food wise but not the worst either. I have diligently tracked everything I have eaten and the exercise I have done so will catch up on my 10 point plan here ....

Saturday

1) walk 1 hr DONE - walked 2 hours
2) weights DONE
3) breakfast DONE
4) track DONE
5) eat only three meals NOT DONE - snacked
6) 3 servings fruit/vegies NOT DONE
7) drink water DONE
8) no weighing NOT DONE
9) no coke/beer DONE
10) update journal NOT DONE

Sunday

1) walk DONE - 1 1/2 hour walk + 1 hour bike ride
2) weight NOT DONE
3) breakfast DONE
4) track DONE
5) eat 3 meals NOT DONE - snacked!
6) 3 servings fruit/vegies DONE
7) drink water DONE
8) no weighing NOT DONE
9) no coke/beer DONE
10) update journal NOT DONE

That doesn't look to bad at all actually. I am doing not to bad today either although I have weighed myself and not sure if I can manage 1hour walking today. I really want to but it is persisting down on and off outside and today at lunch time there was even some snow! Brrruuuurrr!

Am not finding weighing myself such a problem lately. I see the numbers and am fine with it. I don't let my moods revolve around them which is good.

BF and I had a lovely weekend. We were up early (like 7!) and achieved lots of things we have been putting off for ages. We also went on two big walks together and took C1 and C2. C1 hates walking and makes it obvious but he is old enough now that we just let him slouch along if he wants to. He does make it quite obvious that he finds it boring but we just try to ignore it and enjoy ourselves (otherwise I get really pissed off with him!)

I went out for a bike ride on C2's bike on Sunday morning. Managed an hour which was great. I really really enjoyed it and am planning a repeat performance this weekend. My bum is so sore though today!

My focus this week is to keep on tracking in my wee book (I love my wee book now), make the right choices at meal times and keep on moving my fat arse!

because Ladies and Gentlemen .... today Fat Nancy bought herself something .... yes that is right. My name is Fat Nancy and today I bought a bikini! AHHHHHHHHHHHH everyone run for cover! It is size 14 and next year in Italy I will be wearing it! (my BF is so excited) ..... so at the moment I need all the exercise I can get....

Catch ya later to update my 10 points for today ....

'You Come to Me with Excuses ...

2005-09-16T11:22:00.000+12:00

Ducked out in a row .. you wear me out .... you wear me out' (REM Country Feedback)

I am sick of making excuses for myself. I have a great excuse everytime I over eat or go over points or don't exercise. I am the Queen of Excuses. It is pathetic. I have given myself a good talking to and I am over it. No more excuses! Bugger it!

I have been humming and harring about whether I want to go back to points or whether I was doing ok enough with my 10 point plan to not go back to counting points. I have decided not to count points ... at this stage. I was doing well and found it so much easier. This has to be a lifestyle change and counting points for the rest of my life is not what I want. I can lose weight by eating three meals a day and chosing what I eat carefully. I have also been lucky lately in that I have been doing so much walking that the odd eating binge doesn't make a difference to my weight.

So here ... (thanks for the name M!)is my .... Italian Challenge (how catchy a name is that! How amazing is M!) :

1) walk 1 hour each day
2) do weights programme at home every day
3) eat breakfast
4) track everything I eat in my new notebook
5) eat three meals per day only - no snacking!
6) eat at least 3 servings of fruit and vegies every day
7) drink at least 2 pump bottles of water per day
8) no weighing (except Fridays)
9) no diet coke or alcohol
10) update my journal daily, catch up on other peoples journals and be positive.

There! What do we think of that! I think it it will be great!

I have been doing my own weights thing at home this week and has been working really well. It saves me money, I can fit it in easier and I enjoy it more - also means no more excuses!

It has been two weeks since I stopped drinking diet coke and now I am giving up the beers! I love beer and drunk quite a bit on the weekends but have decided to give it up for the moment. Two reasons involved - 1 saving money and 2 obviously bad for my health.

I am loving my exercise at the moment. I have stopped doing walks in breaks lately but really miss it so starting up again. C2 wants to go for a run with me this weekend so will give that a go and also want to get into biking to work once a week (15 kms each way!) but will have to time how long it will take me otherwise I may be late for work.

I had better go do some work. BF is organised to meet me at lunch time to walk today which is great.

Will catch u later with my results ... PS starting Italian Challenge tomorrow!

Have a great Friday!

Free Your Inner Soul and Break Away From Tradition ..... Lets Get Started!

2005-09-15T07:39:00.000+12:00

(Black Eyed Peas - Elephunk!) .....

Hi .... I haven't fallen off the planet! I am still around ... just been busy is all! This is going to be a very brief entry today as I am nearly about to head off to work. I am still not dressed, haven't done anything around here but I am making a new start today so wanted to get this down so I can carry on with the day.

I have been eating ok the last fews days and have kept up my exercise but feel I am not giving this everything I have! I achieved my trip yesterday but I have to keep that off or carry on losing weight until the 1st of November which is my official weigh in. I am close to the 20kg lost mark and my BMI is almost in the healthy weight range so I have to keep going on this. I have also decided that in Italy next year I am going to wear a bikini! I have never worn one before but thought it was a good goal. BF thinks it is a great goal as well! (males!)

So I am going to go back on the points for a few weeks. Am going to update my 10 point plan today at work (if I have time) and revise a few of them, knock a few out and add a few more.

I am pumped, I am psyched. I am so close to my goal weight and I have to make it! I want to be in the 60s by Christmas (which is also my 29th Birthday!).....

I had better get dressed!

This One Goes Out To the One I Love ....

2005-09-13T12:18:00.000+12:00

(R.E.M - the best band in the world!)

C2's birthday today. My wee man is 11 years old and ready to take on the world. Where did the time go .....? *sniff*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY XAVIER!

Love Mummy x0x0x0x0

No more Matchbox 20 today .....

2005-09-10T14:23:00.000+12:00

Last night our family reached a 'crisis point'. Things were not looking good. A lot of things were said - some necessary. Others totally unnecessary. We yelled, we argued and we cried.

Today we woke up and we still all loved each other. We still wanted to be together. Things don't quite look so bad today. The Matchbox 20 song has been put away until the next time.

The only crisis today was that C2's tooth fell out. It had been sitting rather precariously in his mouth for the last fews days and today it called it quits. He is happy - he has a gap to show off to his grandparents and he still believes in the tooth fairy if he thinks he can get a couple of dollars out of it :o)

Sum up of yesterday:

1) breakfast DONE
2) no weigh DONE
3) exercise NOT DONE - did some walking but not an hours worth. I am not worried. I am constantly on the move during the day anyway so happy to have a few days off.
4) gym NOT DONE - I have to get back into this! I so enjoy it when I get going. My main mission is to go twice next week.
5) track DONE - I am writing my tracking on wee bits of paper but decided as of today I am going to borrow Emily's idea and find a nice notebook and put it all together.
6) water DONE
7) no coke DONE
8) 5 servings NOT DONE - again this is ok. Yesterday I wanted to eat every piece of junkfood within a 10 kilometre radius. I wanted to have fish and chips for lunch yesterday and I actually pointed the car in that direction and went off and did groceries instead. I had a plain cheese roll for lunch.
9) only 3 meals DONE - again happy with this. I actually walked up to the snack box yesterday - stood in front of it with the coins jangling in my pockets, gave it the mental finger! and walked off with nothing. Go Nancy
10) be positive DONE

7/10 - not bad considering the day I had!

.... so I used to work in the office of a timber, posts company. 99% of the staff were males. In my boyfriends job (truck driver) he still keeps in contact with the people I used to work with. I used to get on particularly well with the foreman and while we don't often see each other we communicate between my BF. The foreman asked my partner how I was going the other day and my BF commented that I had lost a lot of weight (see he can be lovely) ... the foreman was like 'oh that is good' and my BF commented 'yeah she has tits now'. Oops! Now I once commented to my BF that I had have tits now (although obviously I always have) and that they have never been that noticeable because I had a huge stomach and spare rolls .. he just thought that piece of info would be good to share around. Another conversation the other day with one of the boys went along something like this:

Boy: 'I have seen Nancy walking around quite a bit lately'
BF: "yeah she is trying to loose weight'
Boy: 'A few people have commented on how good she is looking'
BF: 'yeah she is looking great ............................'

and wait for it!

BF 'she has tits now!'

Oh my god. Hello! I do see these people sometimes. Really I am just going to put them in my head with all the other compliments. It is just how boys talk I suppose and it is nice that other people have started to notice.

Now the important news of the week .... I weighed myself yesterday. I was totally not sure what to expect. I wasn't sure if my 10 point plan was going to make a difference or not. I didn't feel like I had lost weight but I had. My scales are dial ones remember (and very unreliable) but the results helped me to decide to keep on doing my plan for another few weeks. I am actually really enjoying it and not feeling so such a complete failure if I over eat.

So weight as of yesterday 76 1/2.

They say that setting a goal is one of the biggest factors in weight loss. Many people lose weight so they can conceive, many before their wedding day, many because the doctors have told them the risks if they don't lose weight. I have had a goal set to me by someone else with a reward at the end of it. I didn't know whether to mention that here because I didn't want you to think I was losing weight for someone else or to get something that I wanted. I do really want to lose weight and I have for years but this was too good an opportunity to miss. Really the reward, while being fantastic, is not the only reward really in the end. The feeling on a spring day of being in a small t-shirt and slouchy jeans running around playing cricket with your boys makes it all worth it. The feeling of looking in my wardrobe and knowing that every article of clothing in it will fit if I put it on is a reward in itself. Being complimented on how great I look, while feeling uncomfortable with it, is a reward in itself. Being 76 1/2 kilos is good enough for me .... but ... here goes ... drum roll please ...

... if I lose another 1 1/2 kilos in the next 2 months ... in May next year instead of being in New Zealand suffering the cold I will be sitting on the southern coast of Italy in a bikini sipping a cocktail! How is that for a motivator! My sister is getting married there, I am being a bridesmaid and WHEN I get to 75kgs I will have the trip paid for me by my family. If I don't I have been told the weights at the gym might have got me in good enough shape to flap my arms until I make it over there!

Anyway had better go off and do something. So much to do today and sitting here typing on this thing is not going to get me anywhere.

Catch yas later...

You can tell things are bad ....

2005-09-09T08:04:00.000+12:00

when I hunt through my CD collection for 'the song'. The song I always play when I am sad and down about my relationship with my BF. I have just done that and I will play the song over and over again until I go to work in 20 minutes and it will be loud. It will try and block out the things going on in my head.

Matchbox 20 - 'when you are gone'.

I don't want to go to work today. I want to lie in bed listening to this song on repeat all day. I want to stay away from everyone and lock myself in my house and wallow. I don't want to have to sound cheerful to people all day because I am not. I am sad. Fuck it all I am sad :o(

And I really don't know what to do about any of this. But I know that I am tired of the constant struggle of having to raise a mixed-up, chewed-up and spat out family. It is too hard and I don't want to have to deal with this all the time. It is all just so complicated, and so messy and so tiring.

I am just tired.

I had better go to work (if I am lucky I will have to time to listen to my song one more time!).

Sorry about my moaning. I should be grateful ... I know I should ... today it is just too hard.

catch yas later

Don't feel like a title tonight ...

2005-09-08T20:55:00.000+12:00

Can't think of anything to say tonight really. I had the yummiest tea tonight - stir fry with heaps of veges - peppers, mushrooms, onions, brocoli, carrots etc - , chicken and crunchy noodles on top. It was so nice and quiet healthy too I think.

Here is how I went today:

1) breakfast DONE
2) no weight DONE - I nearly caved in but told by my BF that weigh in is on a Friday!
3) exercise NOT DONE - I had a day of rest as planned but did miss going for a walk
4) gym NA
5) track DONE - thought seeing I had quite a good day food wise I would share what I had:
breakfast - fat free yoghurt with one banana chopped into it
lunch - small serving of macaroni cheese and a bowl of fruit salad
tea - stir fry as mentioned above
6) water DONE
7) no coke - sheesh DONE
8) 5 servings DONE - easy today!
9) only 3 meals DONE
10) be positive DONE

I don't need to really explain the positive side to my weight loss - a whole selection of 'thin clothes' in my wardrobe that I can now fit into.

So tomorrow is weigh day and I am nervous. I am 100% sure I have gained this week. Tonight I feel like a blob - maybe cos of all the stir fry in my belly! I have actually got used to not weighing myself and it is actually very nice. My days now don't revolve around the numbers.

I am off anyway. Things to do and I don't really have anything to say.

Cya

Wahoo!

2005-09-08T07:52:00.000+12:00

Oh my god! I have no idea what my weight says today but I feel a bit of a celebration going on!
My wardrobe (and I am sure a lot of people know what I am talking about here!) is full of clothes. Absolutely chocker! but half of them have always been clothes that are too small for me (that I have always wanted to thin into) and the rest were either clothes I wear (a small amount) and others that just sit in there cos I don't really like them but can't be bothered moving out! .. you with me on this one so far girls!? .. so today I tried on my clothes and guess what? They still don't all fit! But guess what? That is only because now I have a huge pile of clothes that are too big for me but the 'small clothes' all fit on my fat arse! Ok some of them I still won't be wearing until I thin down a bit but they all goddam fit! They fucking fit.

Do you want to know the funny thing? After having them in my wardrobe for so long I don't actually like them anymore and probably still won't wear them .. but I can if I want to! I am not being picky but these include jeans that I wore 10 years ago so they are looking very ancient. I will probably delegate them to 'round the farm' clothes.

So today in the true fashion of a woman celebrating ... I am going shopping.

Anyway 10 point plan results for yesterday:

1) eat breakfast DONE
2) no weigh in DONE
3) walk DONE - walked 2 x 10 mins in breaks plus 1 hour after work
4) gym - DAMN NOT DONE - I actually went there and was so looking forward to it but there was a granny convention doing aerobics in the weights room. I really was guttered! (although I am sure it is good that old people stay fit .. I even suggested it to my BF when I got home)
5) track everything I eat DONE
6) water NOT DONE - I just couldn't drink that much yesterday which is weird for me
7) no diet coke DONE - coke? what is coke? :o)
8) eat 5 servings NOT DONE - as I said early I need to work on this!
9) eat 3 meals NOT DONE - I snacked - but I am not worried, I don't feel guilty but am going to improve on that one today
10) be positive DONE

I am going to have an exercise free day today. I overdid it on my walk/run the past few days and yesterday my legs were so sore I found it difficult to even walk down the stairs at work. I have been doing so much walking lately I don't think it is going to hurt to take a day off .. in saying that I probably will still do my walk around the block at work - it is part of the day I really enjoy.

I had better dash off to work .. want to buy some fruit for breakfast before I start (that will help my five servings per day!)

Have a great day everyone .... and as my t-shirt says (that I have never had the guts to wear) ....'love yourself'

:o)

Every Day is a Good Day ...

2005-09-06T21:16:00.000+12:00

Even when it is a shitty day.

My ex-father in law (well actually ex boyfriends father) told me that it stuck .... he is so cool! He always has really positive things to say. He smokes a pipe so always plays with that while he talks and waves his arms around in the air. He has two sons - his version of sex education was sitting the boys down and saying ... 'if it feels good don't do it'. That pretty much sums it up. I bought him square wiskey glasses for Xmas one night and we stayed up until 4 in the morning, drinking wiskey, and figuring out what was the best way to drink out of a square glass! I tell you it is an art. Out of that whole family I miss and love him the most. He knows who he is!

So today was a shitty day.

I will update my goals first just to get them out of the way ...

1) breakfast DONE
2) no weigh DONE - scales? what scales? I am so getting used to that one .. although they are currently under the seat in my BF car!
3) exercise DONE - 30 min walk/run this morning, 3 x 10 min walks in my breaks, plus about an hour after work! I love the feeling of running by the way! It is such a great feeling (although my legs are sore at the moment .. and my feet... but I am fine!)
4) gym N/A - tomorrow - I am so looking forward to it!
5) track - DONE
6) water - DONE - 2 pump bottles
7) no diet coke DONE - getting easier and easier!
8) eat 5 servings fruit and veg NOT DONE - damn there I go again! I need to work on this
9) eating three meals a day NOT DONE - hey! don't think the worst .. I didn't snack between meals ... I didn't seach for the snack box at work ... I haven't had tea so I have only had two meals instead!
10) be positive ... DONE ... well trying my best ....

When I was overweight I had never ever thought I would get thin again. I thought I was destined to be Fat Nancy for the rest of my life. I am not. I now know I am going to get thin again. It may not be in the time frame I thought or the way I imagined but god bloody damn I am going to reach my goal weight. Once I get there I am going to stay there. You just bloody watch me!

I got compliments at work. Actually a discussion was started about weight loss and how well I was doing. Someone commented that even though she sees me every day she still notices the difference. Another girl asked how I did it. I said ww and exercise. She was like 'really I thought you didn't actually lose weight from weight watchers'. I told her I did. They commented on how thin my legs looked. I think they are still fat. I need to get like Margaret who just says 'thank you'.

So discussions haven't been flash in our house .. in fact not existent but tomorrow is another day .....

cya

Fat Nancy

Good day ... bad day

2005-09-05T20:39:00.000+12:00

hmmm....well.... yeah....ho hum...

one of those days really.

Nothing like an argument at home to ruin a perfectly successful day :-(
Achieved a lot of my goals today:

1) breakfast DONE
2) no weighing DONE
3) exercise DONE - 4 x 10 min walks in tea breaks, lunch and before work + 1 hour walk after work! Yay! My walk after work also including running which I was pleased with!
4) gym N/A
5) track DONE am munching on my tea while I do this .. have tracked the rest of the day and will add this when I am finished
6) water DONE 2+ pump bottles today
7) no coke DONE
8) eat 5 servings fruit/vegies NOT DONE - but planning on making a fruit salad for pudding which will pretty much achieve that
9) eat only 3 meals DONE
10) be positive DONE

when I was 95kgs my whole body ached. I never realised it until I actually lost weight and now I couldn't pin point what ached .. I just ached ... I read somewhere that someone said their body was 'noisy' while they were overweight and that pretty much sums it up. Now by body is quiet and the only noise it makes really is after I exercise too much!

So if I can boost up my fruit intake my having a huge fruit salad that will give me a clean sweep for the day! I am pleased with that.

Even though I decided I would track what I ate but not count points I can't stop doing it. I am always counting up how many I have used in my head. It got me thinking. Are we going to be a generation of point counters.... 50 years down the track are we going to be telling our husbands/partners that we can't have an extra potato cos it will go over our points for the day? Or we can't have two many drinks at the senior citizens get together because we would have to earn bonus points to work it off!
It is a good thing and a bad thing really - means I can't be free of points because I am still working out my meals (in my head) around them but is also a good thing because something on this journey must have stuck in my brain. I now know (whether I choose to listen to myself or not) how much I can actually eat in a day.

So me and my beloved BF argued this evening. He has now gone for a walk (after we finished yelling at each other). As per normal the argument was about children - his C1 and my C2. I hate it and it is pointless. Tonight really started because he doesn't back me about in front of C1 - I know it is because even though C1 is 14 he has only started living with recently and BF still wants to be a mate with him as opposed to a father but it is still frustrating. I get told I don't discipline C1 enough but when I do they stick up for each other. It also seems that when C1 is being told off my BF will bring something up that either I or C2 has done that we shouldn't have. We aren't perfect and we don't claim to be but I don't need that happening everytime C1 has done something wrong. Hopefully he comes back soon so I can try and make peace tonight :-(

I had better go and potter round here for a while, make some fruit salad then go to bed with my book.

Catch yas later.

Weekend Update .........

2005-09-05T07:48:00.000+12:00

*yawn* ... monday morning already! I have been very slack and haven't updated this all weekend so I have to my 10 goal challenge update twice ..... bugger ........

SATURDAY:

1) eat breakfast - DONE
2) don't weigh - DONE
3) exercise - NOT DONE
4) gym - N/A
5) track - NOT DONE
6) water - NOT DONE
7) no coke - DONE
8) eat five servings fruit/vege - NOT DONE
9) eat 3 meals only - NOT DONE (damn trumpet icecreams for supper!)
10) be positive - DONE ................

ok ... so that wasn't that great! I didn't overeat though foodwise so I was quite pleased with that ... Sunday was an improvement ............ really! ... wanna see?

SUNDAY

1) breakfast DONE
2) no weigh - NOT DONE - weighed at my Mum's house
3) exercise - DONE and made up for Saturday - mowed lawns (1 hour), walk (1 hour)
4) gym - N/A - I am so looking forward to going on Wednesday - I am pumped
5) track - NOT DONE
6) water - DONE - drunk glass after glass - it was so hot while I was mowing!
7) no coke - DONE!
8) eat five servings of fruit/vege - DONE - potatos, pumpkin, carrots, kumara, peas and corn!
9) 3 meals only - DONE
10) be positive - DONE

see ... much better ... I am so liking my ten goals .... it makes such a difference. When doing the points plan if I fucked up for the day I just continued eating badly because I had failed my goal for the day. With this idea I am never going to be a complete failure and that keeps me positive.

It is raining today and I have my walking clothes ready for this evening. C2 has tai kwon do tonight so I will spend the 1 1/2 walking and will incorporate a few jogs in there as well. I am itching to get started this week cos this week is going to rock!

By the way I earnt $2.20 over the weekend for my shopping spree .... I am going to put another bit on my side bar so I can keep track of how much I have earnt.

Last thing - two things that I couldn't/wouldn't do when I was 95kgs that I can do now ......

watch the diet ads on tv without feeling guilty .. you know the ones! 'Lose 10kgs for $ ....', exercise ads with tiny models on it in skimpy clothes playing with exercise machines ... I used to see them and think that I should be doing something about my weight but I never did. I used to feel bad and they used to make me feel like shit. Now I see them and I feel great. I am never going to look like one of the tiny models ... but I am going to look bloody good and I am going to be happy with the results!

wear togs. Togs used to be my enemy. We had a hate hate relationship ... actually we didn't cos I didn't even own a pair. Now I do. And I wear them. It is great. I am not the best swimmer but I do enjoy the fact I can put them on and join the rest of the family in the swimming pool. I am quite keen to get into swimming as well (after I have mastered jogging!) ..... and my aim next year is to buy a bikini. Oh yes a bikini. Not bad for a fat girl ...

:-) ... have a great Monday!

I love Saturday mornings ...... sometimes ....

2005-09-03T09:27:00.000+12:00

Yucky day today weather wise - cold and drizzly ... and guess what? My beloved BF's children are coming for a visit today! We were supposed to be taking them swimming but the pool is closed today for the swimming club! Fantastic! So we have had to change our plans around totally and have decided to take them outside with the soccer ball or cricket set (and jackets on) and maybe take them for a big walk. The drizzle seems to have stopped (fingers crossed) so we are hoping it stops for long enough to get them outside.

C2 loved his camp. He has come back with so many stories of the wonderful things he got up to there .. and a huge suitcase of dirty washing! BF and I had to laugh - they were told they could not take money or lollies to camp as they would be provided with good healthy camp food! They have fish and chips for tea one night and ordered pizza in the other night (what a huge amount of pizza!) and then for breakfast the last morning they had ice cream and jelly! I am so pleased I did not go - I would have come back three times the size!

So without further ado ... my results from yesterday:

1) eat breakfast DONE
2) no weighing DONE - *bow* I am so proud of myself :o)
3) exercise DONE - 45 mins before work, 10 min morning tea, 30 mins lunch time
4) gym - N/A - starting next Wednesday :-)
5) track - DONE
6) water - DONE - three pump bottles
7) no coke - DONE - yay for me ....
8) eat 5 servings fruit/vege per day - NOT DONE - ate 3 - two servings of fruit and one of veges - quite a lot for me but not enough!
9) 3 meals per day only NOT DONE - damn! while waiting for our chicken patties to cook for tea I had a bun to snack on! I was so close but I have to be honest here otherwise it isn't going to work .......
10) be positive ..... DONE ..... one thing I didn't do when I was 95kgs .....
... wear feminine clothes - I lived in tracksuit pants and big t-shirts. I had nothing 'girlie' to wear if we went out anywhere. It was depressing. Now I live in thin jeans, girlie t-shirts and I actually own skirts .....

So that was my day yesterday. I earnt myself $1.40 for my 69kgs shopping spree! Yay! I am going to make a goal list too on my blog this weekend. I am planning on buying a funky belt when I get to 75kgs ...... and then set some more goals for other weights .....

But at the moment I have to do housework and get ready for the influx of children!
Have a great day everyone!

GO ALL BLACKS :o) ... in there nice shorts!

did I really just ....

2005-09-01T21:24:00.000+12:00

say I was going to give up diet coke ... think I am going into withdrawl already :-)

My Plan ...

2005-09-01T20:27:00.000+12:00

... so this is my idea ..... I am not saying it is going to work but I am going to give it a try ..... I am going to set myself goals (some based on things I need to improve and others that are things I am doing but need to be made into a habit!) and keep on repeating them until they get ingrained in my tiny little head!

1) eat breakfast - a big one for me - I never ever eat breakfast and I should. Everyone tells me that this is what I should be doing and I don't. I am not a breakfast person but I am going to become one! Even if it is just fruit I am going to do this.
2) I am not going to weigh myself! I can't keep on having my moods dictated by the damn stupid blasted annoying numbers. My scales are dicky old dial ones so not always accurate but my whole day still seems to revolve around them. I don't know when I am going to weigh myself again (cos really I should be - I am trying something new so do need to see if I am getting results) - I am just going to try to hold out for as long as possible. There are other ways of judging my weight - measurements, how big my clothes are and just how I feel. Deep breath ... be brave ... count to 10 .... I can do this one!
3) exercise every day - min of 1 hour walking each day - I gradually want to build this up to 1 hour jogging ever day so have to start (again) mixing jogging with walking.
4) go back to the gym - I have been slack on this one since being sick. I need to get back into it - I enjoy it so much and love the feeling that I am toning my body. It is so nice to be doing something just for me! My goal is to go during my lunch hour twice a week - Wednesday and Fridays! (excluding tomorrow cos I am still coughing like ... a ... coughing thing!)
5) I am going to track everything I eat but not count points. I am going to get diligent and write down beside what I am eating why I am actually eating it - boredom, hunger, stressed, pissed off, drunk :o) This will hopefully make me aware of why I am eating and when - once I have this sussed out I will hopefully be able to control what I eating at certain times of the day.
6) drink water - not so difficult on during the weekdays but seemingly impossible during the weekend. I don't know why this is but may have something to do with having diet coke in the fridge at home. Goal - drink two pump bottles of water per day ... which leads me on to the next one ...
7) my other addiction ... (aside from scales and housework (and my beloved BF!)) ... diet coke ..... NO!!!!!!!!! actually yes! I am going to try and give up diet coke .. I drink far to much ... how much! Way to much! It is bad for me. I should be drinking water and really I am wasting far to much money on the damn stuff! I want to save for my 69kg shopping spree!
8) eat 5 servings of fruit and vegetables each day whether they are frozen, canned, fresh (or mouldy ... eeeeewwwwwwwwwhhhh). I need to start having better food choices. I found with points plan I could eat the right amount of points but what I was actually eating was appalling.
9) eat only 3 meals per day - some might argue and say that is bad for me, that I should be snacking between times but I don't want to - I find one snack leads to another ... to another ... to another. 3 balanced meals per day - I am also going to use a smaller plate for my main meal to see if that will make a difference to my weight.
10) be positive - each day in my blog I am going to list one thing that I do now that I didn't do at 95kgs! I want to not only focus on how far I have to go but how far I have come.

This looks good .. this looks achievable and looks like something I can manage ... but is still going to be a challenge. I have decided I will give myself 20c for each goal I achieve each day - 50c is too much really (if I achieve all goals each day) .... this I will put into a cow moneybox I have at home and, as I said earlier, I will spend it when I have reached 69kgs! I can't wait ......

I am off to bed now. I am feeling so positive about tomorrow. I can do this ....... I so bloody can do this!

catch yas tomorrow ... the first day of my 10 step programme! :o)

Spring Has Sprung!

2005-09-01T16:09:00.001+12:00

Wow we all seem so excited that spring is here at last! I love spring .... but then I kinda love every season as well!

I still have the flu - actually took the day off work yesterday (and maybe should have taken today off also). I spent the day with the house to myself, in my fluffy pjs snuggled in bed with the cat. Bliss! Today I am still coughing like mad, my stomach is not feeling very flash and I am tired :-( ... and feeling very sorry for myself.

I have come to a decision about my weight - at the moment I hate following the WW points plan. Prime example today - I went to lunch with my beloved BF and choose a very small plate of macaroni cheese and topped that off with a big bowl of fruit salad. It was delicious and I thought quite healthy (I used to go in there and have a plate of pasta, some pastries and maybe a piece of cake) but I get back to work and I have no idea of how to work it out points wise. I hate that - unless I take the scales with me and actually weigh my plate (I mean please!?) I won't really know.
The other problem is that I go over my points and think 'Fuck I have blown it for the day' and then proceed to really blow it for the day. It happens time and time again and I hate the feeling of being a failure. I don't want to be a failure!

My lifestyle has changed so much this year and I am very pleased with that. There as so many examples (and not just judging by the scales) - I walk everywhere at the moment, I have joined the gym, I would much prefer to eat salad with tea than potatoes - in fact a bag of potatoes will last us twice to three times as long as they used to! - and I am making better food choices. I am pleased with how I am going and with the changes I am making but at the moment I am sick of being restricted by points.

So ... I am putting aside the points plan for the moment and seeing if I can sustain my (genearally) good behaviours. I am going to set myself some easily managable goals and see what happens. I have also decided that I am going to put 50c away for each goal I achieve each day and that will be used for my shopping spree when I reach 69kgs .... YAY

How rude! I have finished work so will have to set my goals later ...... bye for now

I am addicted ...

2005-08-30T18:52:00.000+12:00

to my scales and I have to break the habit. I am sick of my emotions being ruled by the damn numbers on the iffy scales! Bugger them. I am breaking the cycle. After saying I wasn't going to weigh myself this week I have every day so far. The scales are not my friend - they are not going up but they control how my day goes and I am sick of it. The scales are gone .... away ... out of my sight ...! (at least for a few days surely!). I am going to make a conscious effort from now on to not weigh myself - I am going to see how many days I can handle it before I break and go running back to them, begging them for forgiveness :0)

I still am very fluey and am coughing like crazy. I didn't sleep much at all last night - had a temp, coughing and just generally couldn't get to sleep. I hate that. I don't feel tired at all today though which is one good thing - will probably hit me tomorrow like a brick (or a set of scales being chucked out the window!)

Eating has been a lot better today - am going to use my 20 points but I have had one container of point free salad with an egg and some corn chucked in, chicken and mushroom pasta and a banana for lunch and am cooking up some chickens pieces and organising another salad for tea. Much better choices today than previously!

I had yet more compliments at work today about my weight! Fantastic! It is definately one part of losing weight that I enjoy although for someone who never accepts compliments it is quite hard!

Anyway it is a brief post tonight as I have the house to myself for a short time and plan to get into some serious housework (I love housework! - that just goes to show how fucked I am - I am addicted to scales and doing housework! :0) )

catch yas later ....

Points FTD: 20
Exercise: 3 x 10 minute walks plus 15 minutes at lunch time (45 mins total)
TTIO: the scales addiction
TIGF: time in the house to myself every now and then!

Ugh ....

2005-08-29T19:36:00.000+12:00

I have the flu! Bugger. Half the people at work have the flu and took the day off which means the people who went to work with the flu (me!) had to work 3 times as hard! Hate that! It did mean the day went quicker though which isn't bad.
I didn't feel like eating well today and I didn't feel like exercising but at the end of the day I did quite well. I know that I need to plan my meals a lot better so I am eating the right sort of diet - some days I do stick within points but my food intake is actually appalling! I might set that as a goal for next week but up until then try and improve on it.
I still haven't packed for C2's camp yet! God I am unorganised. His clothes are still drying by the fire (nearly ready) but won't take me long to pack him in the morning. He is so excited which is great. He used to get a very rough time at school and was bullied a lot but lately he seems to have 'come into his own' and is finding things a lot easier!
I don't really have much more to say .... so I am going to go have a hot shower and climb into my pjs, snuggle up with my beloved BF and have an early night...

cyas tomorrow

Points Used FTD: 20
Exercise: 3 x 10 minute walks
TTIO: planning my meals better
TIGF: a nice warm fire and fluffy pjs

Trumpets ........

2005-08-28T15:59:00.000+12:00

Not the musical instruments .. the mint flavoured ones with the icecream and the chocolate ... yes indeed mint Trumpets .... bugger! ......... and a pinky bar ... damn!

So my points are shot for the day but I did exercise for 2 hours (walk with the family and a soccer ball).

Having salad for tea ....

am borrowing Margaret's idea (thanks Margaret):

Points FTD: toooooo many!
Exercise: 2 hour walk
Things to Improve On: eating Trumpets and Pinky Bars! (well what else could I say!)
Things to be Thankful For: walking hand in hand with my beloved BF

Lazy Sunday

2005-08-28T12:18:00.000+12:00

Thought I would do a quick recap of last weeks efforts:

* Tracked 6 days
* Was under 20 points 4 days, slightly over 1 day, well over 2! ...oops!
* Didn't go to gym but ...
* Did one hour gym work out lugging firewood logs up a bank ...
* And did a total of 8 hours and 5 minutes walking .. wahoo!

Am quite pleased with my efforts but I fell off the track again yesterday. I didn't eat too badly but ate far to much (oops actually fish and chips in the park for lunch yesterday was bad eh!) ... I woke up this morning and had my healthy pita bread pizza for breakfast ... yes breakfast! and started getting the 'damn I have stuffed up my eating for the weekend so I may as well have a huge roast for tea tonight' thoughts. You know the ones eh!?

Then I read Paulines journal, especially the bit where she said suggested that we don't need to wait for the next day to eat healthy again .. make the next meal a good one ... so I have decided to have ham and salad for tea tonight! You rock Pauline!

I have the flu so don't know if I will get out for a walk today but I have so much housework to do, a million work shirts to iron plus I also wanted to add some links to this. C2 is off to his first camp for school this week so we have to pack for him. So much to do so little time!

My goals for this week from today (until next Sunday)

* Go to the gym twice
* Walk 7 hours
* Track every day
* Stay within points everyday
* Stay positive

and the big one .............. I am not going to weigh myself until Friday! The scales are hidden in a secret location (the cupboard) and they are not coming out! I am addicted to weighing myself and it is annoying. My moods revolve around the numbers on that bloody thing and I hate it. I have to be brave and break the weighing cycle :o)

Those goals look pretty good to me!

So I am off to figure out how many points were in my pizza from this morning and get stuck into a brand new WW week ...............

Have a good Sunday afternoon everyone ....

cya

PS The All Blacks rock and their haka rocks also! .. and they don't look bad in shorts either!

Thank God it is ......

2005-08-26T07:57:00.000+12:00

weigh in day! Guess what! I am 97kgs! I have lost 2kgs since Saturday! Am I pleased with that? Oh I think I am ....!!!!!

The sun is shining today, it is Friday and I get to wear jeans to work ..... things aren't quite so bad! ....

.... off to work ...

catch yas later!

If you have sensitive ears ....

2005-08-25T23:00:00.000+12:00

then perhaps it is advisable not to read ... this is an R18 due to inappropriate language ... FUCK .... FUCK ... FUCK ... (well I warned you) .....

this isn't to do with weight loss this is to do with me trying to let out steam ... it is too dark to go out pounding the streets, the gym is closed, everyone is in bed so I have to get this all out somehow! .. like I said FUCK FUCK FUCK ....

I don't know what to write .. and I don't know where to start .. and without all the background it just sounds trivial ... but the background is too long and it isn't trivial at all ....

I don't know what to do .... I have to make a phone call tomorrow and I am not sure I can do it ...

I am not sure I can talk about it ... I just wanna say FUCK .......

less bbbblllleeecccchhhhh ... a bit better

2005-08-24T21:40:00.000+12:00

sorry for my ramblings last night .... I did wake up this morning and things seemed not so bad .... as Katey said 'daylight will peep through a very small hole' ....

I decided I was not going to overeat today because things were not going well for me at home .. in fact I walked for 2 hours all up today and stayed on track. I even went for a walk this evening (before tea) while C2 (my son) was at tai kwon do and managed to have money in my pocket, be hungry and walk past Maccas, KFC, Subway, pizza and about half a dozen fish and chip shops .... do you think I stopped and bought anything? ... I don't think so .... I was determined not to eat junk food. I was so bloody determined to stay on track today! My hips are going to love me for that! :-)

I have decided on the weekend to add some links to my blog which will be exciting. I have so many journals I read everyday ... my partner must get so sick of me - I am always doing the whole 'hey so-and-so lost so many kilos this week', 'guess what so-and-so made it to goal' ... on and on ... and I would like to acknowledge them by adding there links to this. But as we know I am computer stupid so it is definately going to be a half day, few glasses of beer job!

Talking about acknowledging .. I would like to send a big *hug* out to all the bloggers who are having a really tough time this week ... Katey, Just for Jo, Karen (to name a few) ... my family are big believers in the powers of positive thinking so I am sending every one out a massive positive thought right now :o)

Catch yas 2mrw

Bbbllleeecccchhhhhhh .....

2005-08-23T20:40:00.000+12:00

.... I don't know if that is a word but that is how I feel .... some times I have days where everything clicks smoothly into place and I feel on top of the world .... today was not one of those days .....

... so what happens when I have one of those days boys and girls? I overeat ... that is right .. I bloody overeat ..... ok I don't think I did too much damage ... mostly because at home I have no junk food ..... but I still ate too much and I feel kinda down about it ... but on the other hand did 40 minutes of walking today and the rest of the week has been great so .... I dunno ......

Just really has been a tough day ....

.... my partner and I have what we call a mixed up, stirred together and spat back out again family - probably quite normal these days really - we both have children each but not together (I have one and he has a few) - his child (14 yrs old) came to live with us at the start of this year. Without going too much into detail his son was 'removed' from his mothers home because of a number of things happening and put into our home. We did a lot of convincing, arguing and begging (and crying and yelling) with the authorities to get him where he is now ... we have been to meetings, to conferences to court and he was eventually put in our care. His mother is uncaring, inadequate and thinks that if she buys her children what ever they want they will always love her (it works by the way) .... so the son (I am going to call him C1 cos 'the child' or 'the son' sounds stupid) has lived for 14 years with all the mod-cons - big screen tvs, sky tv, computers, playstations, game boys, x boxes, movies every weekend, KFC and Maccas on tap ..... but he has lived without a proper environment (the mothers house is disgusting), without proper clothes, had to share a bedroom with 3 other children, his schooling and his development was neglected .... get the picture .... he gets put with us. We have a tv the size of a microwave, we don't have a playstation or X-box, we have one computer and my son is allowed one hour on it each week (if he behaves), we don't eat takeaways except very rarely for a treat .. but we love him, we care for him, we take interest in what he does, we are involved in his education and we have fun with him ... or so we thought .... C1 is bored, he wants to go back and live with his mother because we have a small TV, we only let him use the computer for an hour and we make him eat vegetables ..... he wants to go home because he has nothing to do ... and because we won't let him have a cellphone .. we are gay and we don't care ...... he doesn't tell us this - he just writes letters to his mother (we are entitled as guardians to read his mail btw!) and complains about us but is nice to our faces ... I hate it ... we found another letter tonight .... we don't know what to do.

We have put everything we have into C1 in the last 9 months. We have battled so hard for this ..... we have stood in court and had to justify why we show too much affection in front of the children (because it makes them uncomfortable), we have had to explain to the judge that we shower together because it is the only time we ever get together, we have had to explain to them why we occassionally argue .. fuck I have even had to justify why my parents are vegetarians and why they won't let C1 have meat at their place when he goes for tea ... and still it isn't enough .... fuck fuck fuck ...

I am off to shower and then sleep .. can't eat while I sleep

Good night!

Can you really turn orange ...

2005-08-22T21:02:00.000+12:00

from eating to many carrots? :OP

..... seriously! ... I have been eating a lot of carrots .... I love carrots .... but I am worried about the effect it will have on my colouring. I don't want to be orange! I would look too funny!

.... so apart from eating more raw carrots today I had quite a successful Monday. I tracked everything again and at the end of the day I am 5 1/2 points under. Might have some dessert later but I am so full! Walked for an hour and 5 minutes today which I was pleased with. At lunch time I needed to by apples for my boys for their lunches - instead of walking 2 minutes from work to the supermarket, I walked to the one about 20 mins away (and up a hill!) Yay for me.

My weight loss has been the start of many conversations at work ... sometimes I like it (especially the compliments) but sometimes it pisses me off ...... the local bakery brings around baskets of food at morning tea for people to buy and eat ... I eat carrots ... the person beside me (no names!) buys three things usually for morning tea alone .... cakes, sausage rolls, pastries etc ... typical conversation .....

Neighbour 'Oh you aren't having anything again .... you are doing so well' (devouring her sausage roll)
Nancy 'Thanks'
Neighbour 'How are you managing to lose so much weight?' (munching on a cream donut)
Nancy 'I watch what I eat'
Neighbour 'really?' - totally bewilderment on her face - looks confused as if she can't figure out how I can lose weight by watching what I eat .... as she inhales a custard square!

or ......

Neighbour 'why are you eating carrots again'
Nancy 'because I am still trying to lose weight'
Neighbout 'you should have them with dip or cottage cheese ... they are much nicer!'
Nancy ... smacks her head against brick wall!

Are some people just stupid? ... or is it just me .... can they not understand that I am losing weight because I am jumping up every bloody break to walk around the block and that I no longer go to the snack box ... I don't even go in the same room as it .... I don't buy anything from the bakery ladies anymore ...... ! Sheesh it ain't rocket science!

Anyway ....... can I really turn orange? ... am kinda worried about that one!

catch yas tomorrow ..... :-)

Almost perfect ....

2005-08-21T19:24:00.000+12:00

but not quite!

Oops!

Am extremely pleased with the way the weekend went ... until tonight ..... but I am still really pleased anyway .. if that makes sense.
I tracked everything I ate, I passed on the ice cream for dessert last night!, went for another walk today for an hour (which brought my total of walking to 3 1/2 hours for the weekend! - half of my weekly goal already), then spent an hour lugging firewood logs up the hill at my parents farm! Wow - that was a workout all in itself! It was great ... and then my mother (who is also dieting) decided to shout us fish and chips for tea! Fantastic! I didn't have a huge helping and really I don't feel guilty about it. By my standards my weekend eating has been a vast improvement on my previous attempts and I know also I will be sticking to the points for the rest of the week.
I have already organised my lunch for tomorrow so I will go for a walk in the gardens near work and eat my salad and pork pita pocket! Yum! I was getting myself into a nice routine last week of going for a ten minute walk during my morning and afternoon tea breaks - manage to walk past the local pool, along a park which runs beside a creek, then back down the main street .. not only a nice break from walk but also exercise.

This week is going to be so good and my weigh in results are hopefully going to show this. I so know I am going to do this! Once I stick to the whole points/exercise combo the weight does generally fall off ... I know I am still 10 kgs away from goal weight but I feel it is so close I can almost taste the success .........

Better dash and get ready for work ... is it really Monday tomorrow? If we all pretend that tomorrow is Sunday can we have another day off?

PS ...... bonus points question - how many bonus points is a half hour session of martial arts?

Catch ya 2morrow .... :o)

My name is Nancy and I .....

2005-08-20T20:29:00.000+12:00

am not a professional blog designer. This is my second version cos the first one I totally fucked up! (mind my language!). I always thought I was quite capable around computers but I obviously am not. This is not my true vocation!
I think my site is looking rather pretty though (the second version!) ....

So I just 'did it anyway' and went for another walk this afternoon bringing my walking total for the day to 2 1/2 hours! Am quite proud of that wee effort. Remarkably for a Saturday my eating has been good as well. Am sitting on around 16 points at the moment (am still adding up my tea!). I am hoping that starting the eating week on a Saturday will help me out - usually I start off with a hiss and a roar but stuff up towards the end of the week. My weekends are always going to be the challenge so am hoping I will be so positive about the week ahead that I will reduce the danger.

Am off to have a nice hot shower, get my beloved BF to scrub my back, climb into my fluffy pjs and watch a movie .. with no snacks!

Cya :o)

Branches, Trees and the Stars ...

2005-08-20T20:22:00.000+12:00

There has been some debate in the extended household about my goal weight. Some are saying that the 60s would mean I looked too thin but I just want to get there. I am not sure where in the 60s I want to get to so my goal weight is really undecided at the moment.I saying come into my mind this morning though and I thought it kinda fitted in with my thinking lately. My ex-boss always used to tell me to aim high. He said that if I aimed for the branches of a tree I would be lucky to make it to the trunk but if I aimed for the highest branches I would be able to see the stars. So I am going to aim for the 60s and see what happens when I get there. Hopefully by then I will be able to see that stars :-)I have had a really positive start today - being a Saturday it is impossible to sleep! Why is it when I can actually lie in bed and relax I always wake up earlier than normal! Grr. So instead of relaxing I was wide awake, got up and went for an hour long walk. Fantastic! It was a beautiful morning - I am lucky enough to live not only near a river but a beach as well! Walked for an hour and trying to convince the faimly to take another stroll this afternoon. My eating is on track, my dinner is almost planned and I have even been playing with my weights this afternoon. All in all a great start (especially for a weekend!)Off to get the whanau off their arses and out pounding the streets.
As Amelia says "do it anyway!!!

Catch yas later

So ....... :-)

2005-08-20T20:20:00.000+12:00

Hi ...... So... ummm .... hi *shyly smiles* ..... hhmmmm ..... so people seem to talk a lot on blogs but for the life of me I can't find anything to say. I know I will say lots once I get going but it is just the starting! So I am over weight and I want to lose another 10kgs to get to goal weight (of 69kgs) and I am sick of starting WW and then falling off the wagon. I am doing WW at home with old books from years ago and generally find it good. It has helped me lose the last 16kgs and I do know that it works but at the moment I have no stickability and need a bit more motivation. Actually what I really need is either a good kick up the arse or a good slapping. Either gratefully accepted! I need to get going. I love it when I am exercising, sticking to points and keeping on track but lately I find it so restricting at the same time. My biggest problem is that I have now dropped down to 20 points per day! I feel like I am now going to starve to death because I am eating 2 points less per day! Please! I know that this thinking is just stupid! 2 points is like 2 thin slices of bread but I still can't get over that hurdle. I don't use my points wisely at the moment and then I am starving at night so pig out. Once I am over my points for the day I think 'fire truck it' and pig out even more! God! So I am starting this as part of a new start ... this is the beginning of the end of my weight loss journey. I need to do this. I am worth it and bloody hell I am going to make it to goal! So my plan for this week starting Saturday 20th August: - Go to the gym twice (yes I just recently joined a GYM - too exciting) - Walk for at least 7 hours during the week (an ave of 1hr per day) - Do exercises at home with swiss ball, weight twice during week - Track everything I eat - Use no more than 140 points for the week I am going to honestly attempt to do this and am going to try and achieve each goal but I am not promising anything. If I fall off the wagon I am just going to jump straight back on and forget about it. I am worth this and I do want to do this. Must dash

Hi .... just testing

2005-08-20T20:18:00.000+12:00

to see how this looks :-)

Operation60s

Restarting ..

'Monday Morning .. Can't Trust That Day'

Results Week 1

Being self-sufficent

Michael Stripe

oh Dear

*smiles shyly* ....

Being a Big Girl

Lightbulb moment ....

Numbers ......

Feelings ...

Warning ... Fat Photos Ahead!

... it just goes on and on ...

I have ...

Well ..

Sunshine, Step Children and Shopping

Dah Da Dah De Dah .. I am Back ......

12 Things About Me :O)

What's In a Name ....

T.G.I.F. :O)

Yay!!!

Nothing Enlightening in this Post - Just Results from Yesterday

Sooky Nancy

Star Wars, Ex-wives and Goodbye Jack

Weigh In Results

Aaahhhhh

Ho Hum ...

So This is What if Feels Like

The Gods

I Definately

Starting to Get ...

Time to Get My Arse into Gear

Depressing and Boring

'Inspirational'

Weekend Update

Weigh In Results

I am back ....

Mourning Time

No Title Today ....

Spots, Post Holes and the End of Relationships ...

Not Much to Say Today ....

Och Spots!

My First Photo On This!

Wonderings .....

More Babies

Me Again ...

We Have Babies!

'Oh do you know the muffin man ...

'All That You See is Me ...

No title - no time for title ......

'Oh You Gonna Let It All Hang Out ....

'Putting On My Daytime Eyes ...

'And He Still Gives His Love ...

'You Come to Me with Excuses ...

Free Your Inner Soul and Break Away From Tradition ..... Lets Get Started!

This One Goes Out To the One I Love ....

No more Matchbox 20 today .....

You can tell things are bad ....

Don't feel like a title tonight ...

Wahoo!

Every Day is a Good Day ...

Good day ... bad day

Weekend Update .........

I love Saturday mornings ...... sometimes ....

did I really just ....

My Plan ...

Spring Has Sprung!

I am addicted ...

Ugh ....

Trumpets ........

Lazy Sunday

Thank God it is ......

If you have sensitive ears ....

less bbbblllleeecccchhhhh ... a bit better

Bbbllleeecccchhhhhhh .....

Can you really turn orange ...

Almost perfect ....

My name is Nancy and I .....

Branches, Trees and the Stars ...

smiles shyly ....