Bbbllleeecccchhhhhhh .....
.... I don't know if that is a word but that is how I feel .... some times I have days where everything clicks smoothly into place and I feel on top of the world .... today was not one of those days .....
... so what happens when I have one of those days boys and girls? I overeat ... that is right .. I bloody overeat ..... ok I don't think I did too much damage ... mostly because at home I have no junk food ..... but I still ate too much and I feel kinda down about it ... but on the other hand did 40 minutes of walking today and the rest of the week has been great so .... I dunno ......
Just really has been a tough day ....
.... my partner and I have what we call a mixed up, stirred together and spat back out again family - probably quite normal these days really - we both have children each but not together (I have one and he has a few) - his child (14 yrs old) came to live with us at the start of this year. Without going too much into detail his son was 'removed' from his mothers home because of a number of things happening and put into our home. We did a lot of convincing, arguing and begging (and crying and yelling) with the authorities to get him where he is now ... we have been to meetings, to conferences to court and he was eventually put in our care. His mother is uncaring, inadequate and thinks that if she buys her children what ever they want they will always love her (it works by the way) .... so the son (I am going to call him C1 cos 'the child' or 'the son' sounds stupid) has lived for 14 years with all the mod-cons - big screen tvs, sky tv, computers, playstations, game boys, x boxes, movies every weekend, KFC and Maccas on tap ..... but he has lived without a proper environment (the mothers house is disgusting), without proper clothes, had to share a bedroom with 3 other children, his schooling and his development was neglected .... get the picture .... he gets put with us. We have a tv the size of a microwave, we don't have a playstation or X-box, we have one computer and my son is allowed one hour on it each week (if he behaves), we don't eat takeaways except very rarely for a treat .. but we love him, we care for him, we take interest in what he does, we are involved in his education and we have fun with him ... or so we thought .... C1 is bored, he wants to go back and live with his mother because we have a small TV, we only let him use the computer for an hour and we make him eat vegetables ..... he wants to go home because he has nothing to do ... and because we won't let him have a cellphone .. we are gay and we don't care ...... he doesn't tell us this - he just writes letters to his mother (we are entitled as guardians to read his mail btw!) and complains about us but is nice to our faces ... I hate it ... we found another letter tonight .... we don't know what to do.
We have put everything we have into C1 in the last 9 months. We have battled so hard for this ..... we have stood in court and had to justify why we show too much affection in front of the children (because it makes them uncomfortable), we have had to explain to the judge that we shower together because it is the only time we ever get together, we have had to explain to them why we occassionally argue .. fuck I have even had to justify why my parents are vegetarians and why they won't let C1 have meat at their place when he goes for tea ... and still it isn't enough .... fuck fuck fuck ...
I am off to shower and then sleep .. can't eat while I sleep
Good night!
... so what happens when I have one of those days boys and girls? I overeat ... that is right .. I bloody overeat ..... ok I don't think I did too much damage ... mostly because at home I have no junk food ..... but I still ate too much and I feel kinda down about it ... but on the other hand did 40 minutes of walking today and the rest of the week has been great so .... I dunno ......
Just really has been a tough day ....
.... my partner and I have what we call a mixed up, stirred together and spat back out again family - probably quite normal these days really - we both have children each but not together (I have one and he has a few) - his child (14 yrs old) came to live with us at the start of this year. Without going too much into detail his son was 'removed' from his mothers home because of a number of things happening and put into our home. We did a lot of convincing, arguing and begging (and crying and yelling) with the authorities to get him where he is now ... we have been to meetings, to conferences to court and he was eventually put in our care. His mother is uncaring, inadequate and thinks that if she buys her children what ever they want they will always love her (it works by the way) .... so the son (I am going to call him C1 cos 'the child' or 'the son' sounds stupid) has lived for 14 years with all the mod-cons - big screen tvs, sky tv, computers, playstations, game boys, x boxes, movies every weekend, KFC and Maccas on tap ..... but he has lived without a proper environment (the mothers house is disgusting), without proper clothes, had to share a bedroom with 3 other children, his schooling and his development was neglected .... get the picture .... he gets put with us. We have a tv the size of a microwave, we don't have a playstation or X-box, we have one computer and my son is allowed one hour on it each week (if he behaves), we don't eat takeaways except very rarely for a treat .. but we love him, we care for him, we take interest in what he does, we are involved in his education and we have fun with him ... or so we thought .... C1 is bored, he wants to go back and live with his mother because we have a small TV, we only let him use the computer for an hour and we make him eat vegetables ..... he wants to go home because he has nothing to do ... and because we won't let him have a cellphone .. we are gay and we don't care ...... he doesn't tell us this - he just writes letters to his mother (we are entitled as guardians to read his mail btw!) and complains about us but is nice to our faces ... I hate it ... we found another letter tonight .... we don't know what to do.
We have put everything we have into C1 in the last 9 months. We have battled so hard for this ..... we have stood in court and had to justify why we show too much affection in front of the children (because it makes them uncomfortable), we have had to explain to the judge that we shower together because it is the only time we ever get together, we have had to explain to them why we occassionally argue .. fuck I have even had to justify why my parents are vegetarians and why they won't let C1 have meat at their place when he goes for tea ... and still it isn't enough .... fuck fuck fuck ...
I am off to shower and then sleep .. can't eat while I sleep
Good night!
Posted by Nancy Bou at 8:40 PM::
--------------------oOo--------------------
2 Comments:
You poor thing. I can really relate to this. We know all about teenagers and their attitudes. If you want to vent anytime feel free to email me. Today is another. Have a great one!!!
Aw Nancy. That is so tough. But there will come a time when he will show that he loves you far more than he lets on. He is pushing buttons. Keep strong.
Post a Comment
<< Home