Being a Big Girl
Sometimes .. even though I am smaller ... I have to remember how to big a big girl. I am not talking about wearing massive jeans or the numbers on the scales. I am talking about facing life head on.
5 days I will be in Italy ... but at the moment I am so f'n sad!
My ex- mother in law (well ex-bf's mother) is in hospital at the moment ... again... something is wrong with her heart .. again. I rung my ex bf and it was so strange .. we have both grown up so much since we used to live together .. it is so strange. We can be civil and we can joke and it is like fitting into an old pair of pjs ... feels so strange but at the same time feels so good. He used to know me better than anyone. I dunno.
I have to go see Dave tomorrow. By BF is making me. Dave is dying from lung cancer and I am too scared to see him. I will cry (I am crying now just thinking about it). He is going to die. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to see him before hand otherwise I am going to regret it but I know I am going to go there tomorrow and cry in front of him and he doesn't need that. I don't know what to sat to him but I know that what ever I say is going to sound so stupid ... sometimes life sucks big time.
And ... (I am so dramatic tonight) .. I know something about a family member through work ... if I tell someone then I could theoretically lose my job .. but if I don't then I know that the family member has lied and could get herself in serious trouble. Hmmm... could let that happen but I can't. Damn me being so goddamn nice.
Gonna have to do some serious thinking and figure out how to handle all this .. within 5 days ...
xxxxx
5 days I will be in Italy ... but at the moment I am so f'n sad!
My ex- mother in law (well ex-bf's mother) is in hospital at the moment ... again... something is wrong with her heart .. again. I rung my ex bf and it was so strange .. we have both grown up so much since we used to live together .. it is so strange. We can be civil and we can joke and it is like fitting into an old pair of pjs ... feels so strange but at the same time feels so good. He used to know me better than anyone. I dunno.
I have to go see Dave tomorrow. By BF is making me. Dave is dying from lung cancer and I am too scared to see him. I will cry (I am crying now just thinking about it). He is going to die. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to see him before hand otherwise I am going to regret it but I know I am going to go there tomorrow and cry in front of him and he doesn't need that. I don't know what to sat to him but I know that what ever I say is going to sound so stupid ... sometimes life sucks big time.
And ... (I am so dramatic tonight) .. I know something about a family member through work ... if I tell someone then I could theoretically lose my job .. but if I don't then I know that the family member has lied and could get herself in serious trouble. Hmmm... could let that happen but I can't. Damn me being so goddamn nice.
Gonna have to do some serious thinking and figure out how to handle all this .. within 5 days ...
xxxxx
Posted by Nancy Bou at 8:52 PM::
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3 Comments:
Oh Nancy. That is a lot to deal with - all in 5 days. I hope that you have the strength to do what you think is right because in the end it is you who is doing it and you who has to live with yourself.
I am sorry that your ex-MIL is so sick at the moment, as is Dave. My thoughts are with you xx
oh god, u poor thing! hang in there!
So sorry things aren't good. Take care xx
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