'All That You See is Me ...

.. and all I truly believe .... that I was born to try'

(Delta Goodrem Born To Try)

I must be a female .. I change my mind every two goddamn seconds. I am not really happy at the way my weight loss is going. It is inconsistent because I am inconsistent with what I am doing. I am sick of it. As I said I am the queen of excuses .. and since I have said that I have been still making excuses everyday! I am tired of it. I am sick of feeling like I am not achieving this.

I have sitting on my desk my bikini which I picked up today. I am never going to get into that if I keep on going like this! And that is quite a depressing thought. It feels like I am giving up even before I start. So today I am still diligently tracking but am also back to counting points. I know that the points system works for me (as in I lose weight) so that must surely out weigh the disadvantages. I have to give this a go and I have to succeed. As the title says I was born to try

So revised (revised) 10 point plan:

1) Track everything I eat
2) Eat under 20 points per day
3) Do weights programme at home everyday
4) 1/2 walk or more every day
5) drink 2 pump bottles of water
6) eat 3 servings of fruit/vegies a day
7) if snacking keep to fruit/vegies
8) plan what I am going to eat in the morning and stick to it
9) no diet coke
10) update journal everyday

This is the plan ... I start tomorrow ..... (I am at home now.. work too busy so didn't have time to finish this .. rude!)

I have tracked and counted today and have only used 14 1/2 points (5 of those were cold beers tonight ... yum...) so think that was a really good start. I am full but feeling really positive. I have made some revisions to my 10 point plan ... the main two being that I want to plan what I eat in the day time to make sure my points are spread over the day and I am now going to allow myself snacks as well in the daytime - I have noticed that breakfast helps but in the evening when I finish at 6 I am starving so want to eat when I get home before tea... you know the story ... I snack and think wtf I may as well eat more for the snack.

A real achievement today at lunch .. BF and I usually end up going to a cafe for lunch and as much as decide I am going to eat something healthy I never do .. today I had a bowl of tomato soup and a small piece of french bread toasted. I bypassed the butter so was only 3 points for my lunch. Hot, yummy, low on points and better than a pottle of chips anyday!

I tried on my bikini tonight ... well only the top half. It does fit (and is a size 14) but not sure still ... I know that really I have hidden myself in 'fat clothes' for years so me wearing anything slightly revealing is a shock to the system. I am the girl that up until this year would try and cover myself as much as possible and hear I am attempting to wear something that would fit in my boot! Really! But then in saying that I didn't look at myself in the mirror and think 'what the fuck' ... BF and I admired my shoulders which started poking out of my body and my back which isn't fat at all .... I think I may get used to it. Of course a tan on my white wee body will do wonders :0)

Enough verbal diarrhea. I am off to bed. Planning on getting up early and going for a walk and doing my weights so best I am not too late getting to bed...

catch yas tomorrow

Fat Nancy xxx