Well ..

what do we think? I think I like it!

xx

Sunshine, Step Children and Shopping

Great week .. perfect weekend :-)

Ok .. so weight first (seeing this is the reason why I spend a lot of my work life blogging) .. after my big kick up the pants with BF's size 11 steel capped work boots on Monday I gave tracking, exercise etc 100% ... granted I only did this Monday to Friday .. although I still managed to exercise and eat well over the weekend (I just didn't track) ...

Monday to Friday - walking = 8 1/2 hours (that is right Ladies and Gentleman 8 1/2 hours .. very pleased with that considering I worked almost 40 hours .. only interupted with BF's medical mishap .. will get to that later)
Monday to Friday - points allowed 100 .. points used 75
Weights sessions at home - 1 1/2 (did so much Monday I could hardly move my arms until Friday!)

Weight last Monday: 75.0 kgs
Weight Today: 73.4 kgs
Total Lost: 1.6 kgs
Left to Goal: 8.4 kgs

Am really very pleased with this considering I did not track over the weekend. I did take generally healthy options though and still managed to move quite a bit! Not to mention risking my life spring cleaning C2's bedroom!

This week I am aiming for the same dedication (although maybe slightly improved effort over the weekend!). I am going to track track track, exercise, exercise, exercise and above all be totally honest with myself about what I eat. Last week I never, not once, ate something I didn't track. I weighed and measured everything to make sure I was not cheating myself. I was honest and I think I have achieved (well 1.6kgs gone is achieving surely).

Apart from risking life and limb to clean C2's room (he was away for a week and Mummy always likes to have a pick up while he is not there) we had a brilliant weekend ... BF's children came for a visit on Saturday. It was a beautiful day so we took them down to the river (about 2 mins walk from our place). I settled myself on a towel, in singlet and shorts and tanned (or lobstered! .. I am so red today and so sore!) and the children and BF played in the river, built sand castles and swam. The two youngest boys decided they wanted to stay the night which was just great! Took them for a lovely walk after tea.

Took children back home on Sunday (they live in the city just over an hour away). Ended up doing random shopping. Come on girls - you must relate to this .. you plan a shopping trip, you have money and you can't find a damn thing you like .. on the other hand you don't plan to go shopping, have a wee bit of money and find things you really want. The latter happened yesterday .. and I actually ended up buying things! Yay for me .. two tshirts (size 14), sleeveless jersey (size 14), singlet top (L .. small sizings) and a pair of 3/4 quarter pants (size 16 .. 14's fitted me but just felt not quite right!). Also got C1 some t-shirts and C2 some trousers. Had a great time. Am really enjoying the fact I can go into regular shops, have a choice of clothes and find things actually fit me. Don't think I am ever going to get over the excitement of that!

.. shivers .. I planned on this being a brief post! Yeah right!

I had the morning off work the other day - I came back from my morning walk to find BF on the floor unable to get up. Managed to fold him into the car and took him too his doctor ... he has put his back out and is off work for a week. Lucky (not) ...

Have managed to wrangle a few days off work .. almost .. have got this Thursday and Friday off but have to come in and work for one hour each day (cos none of my workmates will pick up the slack for me!), the weekend off and then Monday for Waitangi Day ... so really 5 days off in a row! I can't remember the last time I had time off! Can't wait. Am going to attempt to do a few things but mostly will sit back and relax (in saying that I have already got a huge list of things that I want to get done!) ......

anyway have just been on a walk at lunch break and then topped that off with tomato soup and plain toast! Had better go do some work now

Over and out

Thinner Nancy

xx

God! You guys write a lot! I have been trying and trying to catch up on everyone's blogs and I don't seem to be getting anywhere! So sorry if I have not got around to commenting on everyones ... there is just hours and hours of reading there!

I have decided to start being completely honest about my weight loss in this journey ... I have found sometimes that I haven't been (please forgive me!). I will start declaring all the wee snacks I may eat that I don't count in my points .. my favourite - grabbing a few handfuls of potato chips and counting them as a few points only .. and then going back for more .. or I figure out my points for the day, tally them up, shut my wee book and then have a few scoops of icecream .. or a non-points friendly drink ...

In doing this I am only lying to myself and only hurting myself. Since about November I have not been giving this 100% or maybe not even 75% but then am still so guttered when I don't get good results. There are a number of reasons why I was not putting all my effort into this:

1) as much as I convinced myself that a free ticket to Italy had nothing to do with me losing weight it actually did. I started losing weight for myself but then thought I would go for this goal. I never thought I would make it. I thought I would be flapping my arms to Italy not sitting in a plane with the ticket paid for. As soon as that magical 75 came up on the scales I stopped giving 100%. Maybe I tricked myself that that was my goal (actually originally it was!).

2) I may have lost over 20 kilos now but I have gained something more important ... acceptance (almost of my body) .. while there are still bits I don't like I am (oh yes Margaret I am) a certified mirror whore. I don't mind the look of my body (with clothes) ... sometimes! Ok I still do have fat and frumpy days but I still enjoy walking down town and looking at myself in windows! Really vain eh! I don't feel like one of the fat community anymore and it has made me far too comfortable with the way I am.

3) I have a certain cheering squad in my work place. Everytime they see me they give me compliments .. 'oh you are looking so great', 'how much weight have you lost now?', 'you don't need to loose any more weight', 'you are going to fade away' .. outside of work I still have people who comment on how great I am looking. Don't get me wrong, this if fantastic and I honestly appreciate their support but it makes me feel like I am ok .. that people think I look ok .. so maybe if they are thinking that I have lost enough all ready.

4) I have a state of emergency in my wardrobe. I only have a few items that actually fit me correctly. My secret stash of small clothes is non existent and my pile of large clothes is massive. I am sick of having nothing that fits me but I don't want to buy any more. I want to cling on to my favourite clothes that fit me and never let them go! If I lose I say goodbye to the clothes! (oh how my priorities have changed since losing weight!).

During November and December I dabbled with counting points, exercised if/when I could be bothered. I ate too much over Christmas and New Years. The scales weren't always kind .. I was up around 77kgs momentarily ... I was never under 75kgs. I was quite down about it really. I was worried I wouldn't be able to lose anymore .. I was even worried I would gain all my weight back. The start of January I was back to dabbling but realised it wasn't doing much good.

Something clicked this week. I have been thinking off all the reasons why I want to lose weight again ...

1) to get to my goal (65kgs) A year ago I never dreamed I would lose weight. I thought I was Fat Nancy for ever. I am not. I am Thinner Nancy and I am damn well going to be 'reached her goal weight Nancy' ... I have not come this far to suddenly chuck it all in cos I am too lazy to follow through.

2) to fit into my bridesmaid dress :-P ... bought a dress before Xmas and don't quite fit into it yet. Of course this is going to create huge problems if I can not fit into it on the wedding day. I have also a bikini that I want to property fit into (still a bit tight).

3) my body still needs toning .. to tone I still need to get rid of a few layers of fat.

4) 75 kgs is still at top end of height/weight range. I need to lose a wee bit more to be fully healthy. I also want to have a few kilos to play around with when I am at goal as a buffer.

... there are so many more but I probably boring you all ready.

This week I am giving this 100% .. I am walking my fat butt off, doing my weight/exercises at home and tracking, tracking tracking. I am longer using any excuses. I am just going to do this ....
I started off this year at 75kgs so only 10 kgs more to go!!!!

Better do some work (ooops! yes I am at work and blogging .. again .. still .. whatever!)

Over and out

Thinnner Nancy

(sorry .. tell everyone they write to much .. look at me .. sheesh!)

Dah Da Dah De Dah .. I am Back ......

Oh my god! After working right through Christmas and New Year I am going to have to take a holiday to have time to update my blog and catch up on everyone elses! Please be patient with me :o)

First of all a huge Happy Christmas (belated I know) and New Year (belated again) to everyone in blog land. I hope 2006 sees you happy, healthy and safe.

So ... an update .... this could get quite long (warning!) ....

I will start with introducing you to the newest member of our family .... but the story first. I was working weekends (yuck), called the boys at their grandparents to see what they were doing. My darling C2 told me they were playing with the new kitten of course! Wtf? We don't have a new kitten.. 'yes we do Mum, we found a new kitten today and Granny and Grandad and BF said you could decide if we could keep it' .. damn! Finished work thinking we already have a cat, we don't need another one, kittens need to be trained and needs vet visits and need stuff (and I want a dog and BF won't let me!) ... went to pick up the boys and couldn't say no .. this is the kitten (who they had already named Gloria from the hippo off Madascgar! .. I mean really!) ....

.... seriously .. how could I say no to her???? (I am not totally heartless!)

Worked through the holiday period which wasn't too bad. BF had a couple of weeks off so was on hand to look after C1, C2 plus his oldest daughter (God I have troubled labelling all these children!) stayed with us for 10 days. So lovely to have another girl in the house!

...back .. but you didn't realise I was gone!

So ... ummmm....

*listening to Green Day as loud as the neighbours will allow*

.. these are New Years Resolutions Nancy Style

1) complete Operation 60s... generally I am quite happy with my body but want to lose the last few kilos and get into the 60s .. but really have to focus on toning the body I have. I have gained weight over Christmas but am still very pleased with how far I have come. I have fat photos that I have dug out that I will post here .. even BF says "oh my fuckin god" when he sees them, I have trousers that I can put over my jeans now and they still don't stay up, this time last year I wore anything between a size 20-24 .. now I can buy some size 14s but mostly 16s. I am Fat Nancy no longer. Through this journey I have gained so much more than I have lost numbers on the scales. I am an entirely different person. I am positive, I look forward to my future, I am damn fucking proud of myself for what I have done and I am me - the girl that used to be fat and funny looking and now slimmer and still funny looking. I have realised also that I am Nancy Bouverie and if people don't like it they can jump from the highest building in Oamaru (which is probably 3 stories high!).

2) relationship and family wise - I love BF, I adore BF, BF loves Nancy and adores Nancy. We have to make sure that it stays that way. Relationships take a lot of work. Loving each other isn't necessarily always enough. We had a huge, rough year in 2005. Both of us were ready to say "see you later" more than once. We haven't. We still love each other and life goes on. I am going to put everything in to making sure this works better this year. 2005 saw us having more and more to do with Gavin's other children, saw C1 bumped into our lives to live with us. This was a huge thing and completely changed the dynamics of the family. We love C1 and have both said we wouldn't not take him in if we had the chance again. 2006 unfortunately will see us go to court again for C1 to gain custody of him, we will also have to go to countless meetings for C1's brothers and sisters, if necessary we will fight for the legal guardianship of C1's sister as well. We will do all this but we will do this together. This is our C1 ..... :o)

I also realise that I have a lot to make up to with C2. He is my baby .. he always will be. We have had a few tough years. This year is our year. He makes me so proud .. what a fucking fantastic child I have .. but I don't appreciate him as much as I should. I haven't looked out for him as much as I should. I haven't protected him as much as I should. I mentioned in my last post that I hate domestic violence ... *sniff* ... we were both victims of this for a long time and I let it happen. I should have done more to make sure it didn't happen this way. Ex-BF and I lived together for a few years when C2 was a younger child (from 5-7). C2 saw everything and I did nothing. I let it happen. C2 was the one that got the cloths when I was bleeding, who cuddled me when I was hurt or crying and C2 was the one that told me that everything would be ok when he knew it wouldn't be. C2 comforted me when my ribs were broken and I couldnt' move, when my nose was bleeding and I cried, when I was covered in bruises that no one else saw. I have spent quite a few years sorting myself out and now I feel I can make it up to him. I am going to. So introducing C2 .. my baby ...my child ... my future wee lawyer .....

3) financial. I have to make this year work. I want to have substantial savings at the end of the year. We have to be more secure financially. We want to be able to, on a rainy weekend, disappear somewhere. We want to know that if the car breaks down, or C1 needs new shoes, or C2 needs something else that we can buy it. We are getting there but we need more security.

4) personally .. a lot of issues here. I have to be more organised. I am off to a good start on this one but need to do things when they need doing instead of leaving it to later! Stop procrastinating! BF and I have also both decided to be more assertive - stop taking on every one elses shit! It is unnecessary and gets us down! We are both aiming to relax more .. so what if the dishes wait half an hour, the toilet isn't spotless, the gardens aren't perfect .. we need time to say 'bugger it .. all of this can wait' .....

5) go overseas! Sorry easy resolution .. tickets are bought, accommodation sorted, car sorted, bridesmaid dress bought, passports nearly done .. we are on our way ... May 2006 we are cruising to Italy .... :o0

and just cos I can .. here is a photo of the fantastic love of my life ... my BF ...... (with Gloria included as well .. of course)

Thinner Nancy over and out ....

xx