Dah Da Dah De Dah .. I am Back ......

Oh my god! After working right through Christmas and New Year I am going to have to take a holiday to have time to update my blog and catch up on everyone elses! Please be patient with me :o)

First of all a huge Happy Christmas (belated I know) and New Year (belated again) to everyone in blog land. I hope 2006 sees you happy, healthy and safe.

So ... an update .... this could get quite long (warning!) ....

I will start with introducing you to the newest member of our family .... but the story first. I was working weekends (yuck), called the boys at their grandparents to see what they were doing. My darling C2 told me they were playing with the new kitten of course! Wtf? We don't have a new kitten.. 'yes we do Mum, we found a new kitten today and Granny and Grandad and BF said you could decide if we could keep it' .. damn! Finished work thinking we already have a cat, we don't need another one, kittens need to be trained and needs vet visits and need stuff (and I want a dog and BF won't let me!) ... went to pick up the boys and couldn't say no .. this is the kitten (who they had already named Gloria from the hippo off Madascgar! .. I mean really!) ....

.... seriously .. how could I say no to her???? (I am not totally heartless!)

Worked through the holiday period which wasn't too bad. BF had a couple of weeks off so was on hand to look after C1, C2 plus his oldest daughter (God I have troubled labelling all these children!) stayed with us for 10 days. So lovely to have another girl in the house!

...back .. but you didn't realise I was gone!

So ... ummmm....

*listening to Green Day as loud as the neighbours will allow*

.. these are New Years Resolutions Nancy Style

1) complete Operation 60s... generally I am quite happy with my body but want to lose the last few kilos and get into the 60s .. but really have to focus on toning the body I have. I have gained weight over Christmas but am still very pleased with how far I have come. I have fat photos that I have dug out that I will post here .. even BF says "oh my fuckin god" when he sees them, I have trousers that I can put over my jeans now and they still don't stay up, this time last year I wore anything between a size 20-24 .. now I can buy some size 14s but mostly 16s. I am Fat Nancy no longer. Through this journey I have gained so much more than I have lost numbers on the scales. I am an entirely different person. I am positive, I look forward to my future, I am damn fucking proud of myself for what I have done and I am me - the girl that used to be fat and funny looking and now slimmer and still funny looking. I have realised also that I am Nancy Bouverie and if people don't like it they can jump from the highest building in Oamaru (which is probably 3 stories high!).

2) relationship and family wise - I love BF, I adore BF, BF loves Nancy and adores Nancy. We have to make sure that it stays that way. Relationships take a lot of work. Loving each other isn't necessarily always enough. We had a huge, rough year in 2005. Both of us were ready to say "see you later" more than once. We haven't. We still love each other and life goes on. I am going to put everything in to making sure this works better this year. 2005 saw us having more and more to do with Gavin's other children, saw C1 bumped into our lives to live with us. This was a huge thing and completely changed the dynamics of the family. We love C1 and have both said we wouldn't not take him in if we had the chance again. 2006 unfortunately will see us go to court again for C1 to gain custody of him, we will also have to go to countless meetings for C1's brothers and sisters, if necessary we will fight for the legal guardianship of C1's sister as well. We will do all this but we will do this together. This is our C1 ..... :o)

I also realise that I have a lot to make up to with C2. He is my baby .. he always will be. We have had a few tough years. This year is our year. He makes me so proud .. what a fucking fantastic child I have .. but I don't appreciate him as much as I should. I haven't looked out for him as much as I should. I haven't protected him as much as I should. I mentioned in my last post that I hate domestic violence ... *sniff* ... we were both victims of this for a long time and I let it happen. I should have done more to make sure it didn't happen this way. Ex-BF and I lived together for a few years when C2 was a younger child (from 5-7). C2 saw everything and I did nothing. I let it happen. C2 was the one that got the cloths when I was bleeding, who cuddled me when I was hurt or crying and C2 was the one that told me that everything would be ok when he knew it wouldn't be. C2 comforted me when my ribs were broken and I couldnt' move, when my nose was bleeding and I cried, when I was covered in bruises that no one else saw. I have spent quite a few years sorting myself out and now I feel I can make it up to him. I am going to. So introducing C2 .. my baby ...my child ... my future wee lawyer .....

3) financial. I have to make this year work. I want to have substantial savings at the end of the year. We have to be more secure financially. We want to be able to, on a rainy weekend, disappear somewhere. We want to know that if the car breaks down, or C1 needs new shoes, or C2 needs something else that we can buy it. We are getting there but we need more security.

4) personally .. a lot of issues here. I have to be more organised. I am off to a good start on this one but need to do things when they need doing instead of leaving it to later! Stop procrastinating! BF and I have also both decided to be more assertive - stop taking on every one elses shit! It is unnecessary and gets us down! We are both aiming to relax more .. so what if the dishes wait half an hour, the toilet isn't spotless, the gardens aren't perfect .. we need time to say 'bugger it .. all of this can wait' .....

5) go overseas! Sorry easy resolution .. tickets are bought, accommodation sorted, car sorted, bridesmaid dress bought, passports nearly done .. we are on our way ... May 2006 we are cruising to Italy .... :o0

and just cos I can .. here is a photo of the fantastic love of my life ... my BF ...... (with Gloria included as well .. of course)

Thinner Nancy over and out ....

xx